Inspire Me...

Step Back

2008-10-29T19:45:00.003-05:00

Ever had that feeling that you're just LOST? That's how I've felt for the longest time. A period where you can be physically there but not mentally or spiritually. I suppose its a good time to take one of those reality checks on where you're headed.

If there's one thing I've learned about myself is that I like to move and figure it out as I go along. I used to believe in the idea that there are several ways to go about doing something but there's only one way if you're ultimate goal is to honour God.

29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'^{[b]

Mark 12:29-30}Is there anything I'm doing to honour God??? Am I really giving my best day in and day out? More often, I'm guilty of getting by and hoping that's enough. Lately, God's just telling me that doing everything on a mediocre level doesn't bring Him glory.

11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

1 Peter 2:11-12

I want to shine again. God grant me the humility to do so.

The Heart Of Worship

2008-07-04T20:50:00.002-05:00

I love hearing the meaning behind worship songs. It brings so much depth to what you're singing when you understand what inspired the artist. Lyrics are so powerful and their depth is only matched by the events leading up to its creation.

http://www.theheartofworship.org/stories.shtml

So far I've checked out Paul Baloche - Offering and David Crowder's - Wholly Yours.

2008-06-04T14:53:00.003-05:00

I want to learn how to play the song "Easy" by the Commodores.

Intuition

2008-05-22T10:08:00.002-05:00

Intuition - "the immediate apprehension of an object by the mind without the intervention of any reasoning process" [Oxford English Dictionary]

Or in simpler terms: the apparent ability to acquire knowledge without a clear inference or reasoning process.

Or from wikipedia:

“Intuition is a combination of historical (empirical) data, deep and heightened observation and an ability to cut through the thickness of surface reality. Intuition is like a slow motion machine that captures data instantaneously and hits you like a ton of bricks. Intuition is a knowing, a sensing that is beyond the conscious understanding — a gut feeling. Intuition is not pseudo-science.”

I think this is something God's given me. Not because it's something I am on Myers Briggs just because there's been so many times I could sense an outcome before it happens. No rationale explanation or evidential proof. It's probably because I draw on lots of previous experiences and spend so much time observing that I can pick up patterns fairly quickly. Perhaps it's the crazy analyst side of me that enjoys trying to understand how someone is put together personality wise and have learned to project it.

It's a gift to see beyond the surface. Anyways, I had another one of those "intuitive" moments where the other person was stunned that I knew the answer before they could tell me. Alright, enough blathering. :)

Downtime

2008-05-19T10:55:00.003-05:00

Downtime is a wonderful thing and I treasure every moment I get.

The introvert in me needs my alone time to recharge my batteries. In those moment, I've been getting reacquainted with a favourite past time of mine stemming back from my highschool days. That's right, watching cooking shows. I like learning things that are creative and practical. Yay for Food Network.

Recently I watched an episode on how to make fresh italian ricotta/spinach cannelloni, clams and potato au gratin. Now if only I can get my hands on a fresh pasta roller.....

IMLC One Year Later

2008-05-19T10:38:00.003-05:00

It's been over a year since the IMLC mission's conference. Tsing messaged me on facebook saying how happy she was to meet us a year ago. I agree. I'm blown away by what's happened since then. God is good on so many levels. It'd take me forever to go through the many ways God's blessed me from that trip. I'll keep it short and say I'm thankful to have gotten to know everyone I've met and I treasure what I have. You all know who you are.

Foundation

2008-04-29T17:51:00.004-05:00

One of the toughest lessons I've been learning at work is your software platform is only as good as the database it runs on. In other words, if the integrity of your database is shot, your software is useless. There's no other way around it. What I also learned is that this is something that should be rectified at all costs. Picture it like a crack in your foundation. Your structure will not last too long if it isn't fixed. Cut corners at your own peril.

Spiritually its the exact same thing. Devotional and prayer time are the foundations of your spiritual life. The moment that gets knocked down, the rest of you is in peril. These are things that we MUST fight for. God absolutely yearns to commune with us in our devotional time and that's something worth coming to his table for. Even more so because God is dynamic and his plans are dynamic, we must be refreshed constantly to do his will. Can we really afford to be lackadaisical about it?

Demolition experts know that the most effective way to implode a building is the take out it supporting pillars. Satan knows this as well. All he has to do is chip away at it.

Instead of coming to God to carry me though the busy storm I always seem to be in, I begun to ask why am I going through this never ending storm. I can't help but believe there are multiple lessons he wishes to teach me. This is one of them. You must fight to keep your foundation intact.

Drinking Swill?

2008-03-22T17:45:00.002-05:00

Edwin McManus made an point about how we can get so used to our current environments that we're not even aware there's something better out there. His example was talking about how he'd always have meat cooked well done growing up to burn off the bacteria. For him, this was normal, what he was used to. He once tried to order a steak well done at a steakhouse he used to work at, but the chef refused to cook the steak in that manner. (Thank goodness)

The chef instead makes a deal and tells Edwin he'll cook him two steaks, one medium rare and if he doesn't like it, he'll cook another one. Edwin describes how the medium rare steak looks undercooked and unappealing but the moment he tastes it, he's blown away!! He didn't know steak could taste like that because he'd been so accustomed to charred, well-done meat.

We too can get so accustomed to what we know, we forget what's out there. He makes another analogy that if you drink swill (poor quality beverage) enough your tastebuds get accustomed to it and you forget what a really good beverage tastes like.

The horror. Can you imagine not being able to recognize the drink of life because we take on all the swill the world offers instead? Makes me wonder what I'm settling for.

Busyness

2008-03-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

Why is it, the moment I try to break away from busyness, I get more busy???

It seems like the moment I try to shed things off my plate, something else always comes up. I suppose never being idle is a blessing in disguise.

Perhaps deep down inside it's a control issue and reminder that my present circumstances has to be continually surrendered to God. Or maybe its recognizing that life is not easy and that I have to fight for the things that are important to me.

My devotions and my friend point towards the fact that I am letting worrying of my circumstances draining away from my walk with God.

"The seed that fell among thorns stand for those who hear, but as they go on their way they ae choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature."

Luke 7:14

Surrender is giving God a blank cheque with your life and trusting the amount he writes will be enough.

God is bigger than all this and He's is always good. My faith essentially gets boiled down to this. I'm waiting for when I can look back on today and breathe some relief.

Words of Wisdom and Truth

2008-03-16T20:35:00.005-05:00

Several quotes from the weekend:

"What you pray for is what you worship."

"What important to you is what you'll make time for."

"You know, we work hard at doing a great job for our workplace, but not for our devotions and prayer."

"Everything you do is for God's glory alone. "

I love Truth, no matter hard it is to swallow at times.

My work week

2008-03-07T03:22:00.003-06:00

So far, this has been one of the BUSIEST work weeks of my life. As of now, I'm writing at 4:30 am with a tea and 2 Red Bulls in my system. Guarenteed, this will mess up my sleeping schedule. Jenn and Julian also gave me perogies to snack on while I'm working late.

Case in point:

Sunday: 5 pm - 10:30 pm
Monday: 9 am - 11:00 pm
Tuesday: 9:30 am - 5:30 pm
Wednesday: 9:30 am - 11:30 pm
Thursday: 9:30 am - 5:30 pm
Friday: 1:00 am - 4:30 am (That's right. You're reading this correctly)

I also drove down to the office to get my work done and am deliberating between driving home and sleeping on my comfy bed or sleeping in my car and getting an extra 30 minutes of sleep. Hands down, the bed wins.

Don't eat the donuts...

2008-02-27T22:05:00.003-06:00

Summer gave me my birthday present after picking her up from prayer meeting. It was absolutely hilarious!! Made my day.

Also, she was telling me what I shouldn't eat at Tim Hortons.

Summer: "Don't eat the donuts. They're like eating cancer. "

That was far too funny, but it did convince me to get a bagel with my coffee instead.

Unplanned Vacation Day!

2008-02-27T06:43:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I got to leave work early because of a power transformer that blew out. My boss calls me this morning to inform me that the office is still without power. WHICH MEANS...unplanned vacation day!!!!

This has been a funny week!

Sermons at Work

2008-02-25T23:53:00.002-06:00

My work may have blocked facebook and gmail from me, but this past week I've been listening to sermons from Northpoint at work. At least now when I'm doing boring monotonous work or working late, I can listen to Andy Stanley preach the word of God.

Makes the day go faster. =)

The asian in me loves saving money

2008-02-20T23:51:00.005-06:00

Westjet was have a sale on their airfare tickets.

Regular Round Trip to Calgary from Toronto: $849.80

Westjet Sale Flight Trip tickets to Calgary from Toronto: $486.50

I just saved myself $363.30. (or 43% savings for those who like to calculate that) Yeah Westjet! Praise God.

Calgary is officially good to go.

HVAC Modules Done!

2008-02-20T07:31:00.003-06:00

So, after 5 months of study hell, I finally finished my ASHRAE Modules. Good Riddance. Don't get me wrong, excellent technical learning experience and great for my career. It was stressful having to study for this and P.Eng Law & Ethics all at once. (Unfortunately, I have to redo law, which was a shocker) All this lead to a complete burnout in January which I'm slowly getting over.

Thanks for those who've prayed for me and encouraged me. That meant a lot. The biggest change in me has been how I view prayer. It's a lifestyle. I goes beyond the morning and at night but any opportunity that comes. So, there's definitely a silver lining.

This year my company has me taking two more courses for my development. I'll be certain to pace things a bit more to make room for people. Honestly, the past 6 months have been ridiculous. Social life? What is that? I refuse to let work dominate my life like it did last year.

Things I learned in Ottawa

2008-02-18T19:04:00.002-06:00

The canal is absolutely beautiful to skate (walk on)
Garlic Butter and Cheese beavertail and poutine taste DANG good
E18Teen has a lounge very similar to Flow. And drinks are expensive
Hotel Laurier has some very nice bathrooms
Ottawa has a lot of Shawarma places. Mmm...Shawarma plates
You can make some awesome snow forts with the amount of snow on people lawns
I've never seen icicles that big on a home before
Stay away from women of the night in Vanier
OCAC does asian loitering as much as MCAC does
It's never the place, it's the people that make the trip. (I already know this but it's worth saying)

Thanks everyone for an amazing Winterlude. I don't want to go back to work.

5 AM Blogging - Part 2

2008-01-31T04:04:00.000-06:00

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

John 15:1-4

I seem to be developing this habit of being up at 5 AM whether I like it or not. Three times, this past week it's happened to me. Usually it means I have a lot racing through my mind with matters that are unsettled (perceived or otherwise). It's also the only time I've had to fully reflect on things going on. Perhaps it's God's way of answering prayer so I'll take it.

The theme surrender has been showing up a lot this past month. Quite often it's the little things I have the greatest difficulty surrendering because I always take the position of "God's given it to me, I need to get it done." quite often followed by "Things are so busy, what the heck???" Since leading, one of the greatest lessons I've learned is that it's how you get things done that matters most. The process (journey) as opposed to the end result. Whether or not it's lifted up to God and if you trust he'll watch over you in that area.

I had dinner with a friend last night and have decided to support his full-time ministry in Athletes in Action. He's entering on a faith journey that is completely supported upon donation and prayer partners. We were discussing ministry and he was sharing with me two things:

1) If you can't bring it back to God, it doesn't matter.
2) Don't hate your hoe. (Your current work). God has a bigger plan beyond what you see.

Very refreshing. Especially the second item. Sometimes people think he said "Don't hate your ho'". That must've raised a few eyebrows.

The perpetual question...

2008-01-28T20:01:00.000-06:00

Was talking to Dave (Half of Wu-Yu) and one of questions we asked ourselves was "why would we ever deprive ourselves of something like sleep?". Pure madness.

5 AM Blogging

2008-01-25T03:43:00.000-06:00

10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

For some reason, I'm wide awake. I've tossed and turned to no avail. It's been a tiring couple of weeks for me. Work, school & serving continue to take up major portions of my life. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but things have been out of whack for months now. It's frustrating when there are so many things that you want to do, but never seem to be able to. Whether it'd be working out, devotions, journaling, friend's & family. You know the priorities are all messed up when the thing that is most important to you is the thing that there's never any time for.

One of the lies Satan throws at you is to amplify all the things that aren't right in your life and draw away from the things that are. It's these times that God will continually ask me if He's enough for me and if I can believe He is bigger than all this. This passage has popped in my mind lately. I really wonder what it must be like to find contentment in any situation. God is constantly hammering away at me that it's the journey that matters over the end result. I'm starting to get it. I want to see this happen.

Covenant

2008-01-18T17:44:00.000-06:00

God continues to reveal how much he stresses relationship with us. Our bible study touched on the Passover and how God took the Israelites out of captivity and carried him into the promised land. More so, it was also God upholding the covenant he made with Abraham, and Jesus making a new covenant on top of that.

covenant - a binding agreement.

That word has showed up a lot more lately. Up until this point, when I heard that word, the first thing that pops in my mind is an Indiana Jones movie. Even legal documents carry that word sometimes. When studying my Professional Law and Ethics exam, one of the main topics was that was delved into was (fundamental) breach of contract, liability and damages. In a court of law, a judge would award the victim based on the severity of the breach and damages that extend from it.

The concept is exactly the same with our covenant. The moment, I accepted God's gift of salvation through Christ, I was choosing to enter a covenant with God. The terms being I become part of His family and acknowledge that Jesus is the Head of it. Most importantly, I place my trust that God HAS, IS and will ALWAYS hold up His end of the covenant. "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5).

So what do you when you fundamentally breach your end of the covenant? In a court of law you would pay damages and the victim (God) would hold the right to walk away from the binding agreement. How do you compensate God when everything you have is on loan from God? You and I have nothing. What would happen if God chose to exercise His right to end the covenant that WE broke first. I don't even want to entertain that. When we ask for forgiveness, it's God that willingly pays the damages through Christ so that justice is met. In fact, he knew in advance that'd have to.

When I started my walk with God almost 4 years ago, I didn't really understand anything about Jesus, Trinity, Resurrection or Christianity. The only thing I knew was that I could put my hopes and trust in God, Jesus Christ was somehow involved in that, and that I'd figure things out along the way. God's been faithful in protecting and revealing Himself to me in astonishing ways. The bible study was originally supposed to show God is a relational God who took the first step in reconciliation. Instead, I learned about grace. Everything clicked, and I'm blown away by it.

VOIP

2008-01-11T21:41:00.001-06:00

I've discovered the joy of VOIP, long distance calling!

www.jajah.com

www.worldline.ca

Made my day. :)

Straight No Chaser

2007-12-27T23:01:00.000-06:00

My friend has introduced me into the world of Straight No Chaser. I love A Capella and these guys are good! I like their rendition of 12 days of Christmas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

Check Ravi Zacharias Off The List!

2007-12-23T07:32:00.000-06:00

In one of my previous posts, I had a list of people I would like to meet.

Ravi Zacharias
Voddie Baucham
Andy Stanley
John McArthur
Steve Fee.

Last week, I met Ravi Zacharias in person. He is so down to earth it is unbelievable and He speaks with so much eloquance. He really talked about what God has done IN us, as in, it is HIM that reveals everything and gives us the capacity to process it. That was awesome.

As a bonus, I met Tony Campolo earlier this year, who I had never heard of until that point.

Setting the stage

2007-12-12T00:18:00.000-06:00

DVD's are finally in. Exam is almost in striking distance. Slowly it looks like everything is coming together. So far, so good.

Giving It Up - Prosperity

2007-12-09T20:24:00.000-06:00

"So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him."

Luke 5:11

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to know and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Matthew 6:24

For the longest time, I've tried to balance serving God and my own prosperity without ever knowing it. I live such a comfortable lifestyle, yet I'm also at a crossroads. Truth be told, I feel stifled by my own comfort and prosperity, to the point where it's limiting my ability to serve. In the new year, I believe God is calling me to make the biggest sacrifice for Him.

Investment in Legacy

2007-12-09T15:12:00.000-06:00

Voddie Baucham asks the question "What if everyday of my life is hard? Is God still enough? What if God fulfills his promise generations after me?" and later asks "What are we doing to make the community a better place? What am I investing my life in? Where am I spending my money? Where am I spending my time?"

The biggest struggle is reminding myself that everything I'm doing is an investment instead of a burden and that I'm laying down roots. I'm faced with this very question: If what I'm doing doesn't reap blessings until possibly generations later, is God still enough?

Opportunities

2007-11-17T14:10:00.001-06:00

I was talking to my friend about books and she mentioned she likes books that make her think. Immediately, the first thought that came to my mind was "Mere Christianity". She had heard of C.S. Lewis before so it was a perfect opportunity. On monday I gave her the book to keep and trust God is working through it. It almost didn't happen! Thank God for opportunities. We'll see where it goes.

Starfield - Shipwreck

2007-10-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

This song, off the "Beauty in the Broken album." is beautiful because it really speaks about the masks we put of to each other and God and how Jesus transforms us from the wrecks that we are to his redeemed children. I love the chorus "I am just a beggar here at Your door. I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore." because it speaks enormous volumes of grace. Highly recommended.

I built a fortress
With a hundred thousand faces
I'll keep it safe
With a hundred thousand more
But these masks are wearing thin
As You draw me in

I spent my time
On the empty and the fleeting
I spent my life
On much less than I'd dreamed
But I'm reaching out to you
To make me new

'Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty handed
Ready to see
Your life in me changing who I've been
To who I need to be

You tell me my story
As You sift between the pages
I feel redemption
In the space between each turn

Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more

2007-10-28T19:21:00.000-05:00

I used to think that people often get in the way of my ambitions. The more Jesus is revealed to me, the more I realize that people are my ambition.

Exposing My Broken Cantonese

2007-10-27T06:24:00.000-05:00

So, I was getting fried rice and noodles for our potluck yesterday. And when I went up to order the guy started speaking to me in cantonese. I typically responded by pointing at the menu item. The only difference was that I actually tried to say the item in cantonese. "Uhhh...Yeung Jao Chow Fan?...XO Jeung Chow Haw" I'm sure he was either snickering or shaking his head. Whatever.

Coworkers on Facebook

2007-10-24T00:01:00.000-05:00

Is it me, or do other people think it'd be weird to have your coworkers on your facebook list? If I were to be completely honest, it really isn't of interest to me to know the social/personal lives of the majority of my coworkers. If it were, I'd probably ask. Perhaps that sounds a bit harsh doesn't it. Maybe I need to work on that. Not that it means adding my coworkers on facebook anytime soon.

Hard work pays off

2007-10-21T17:26:00.000-05:00

My company gave me basketball tickets for doing a really amazing job for the LEED submission of one of our projects. At first I was looking at the back of it. I was like "FAN 590, what is this?" And then my jaw dropped when I saw it was Row 11 seats. ROW 11!!!!!!!!

Sunday January 13, 2008 12:30 pm. Raptors versus Blazers. =D

Yeah Books!

2007-10-21T17:23:00.001-05:00

I just bought the book Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building A Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley. Andy Stanley is the man! I've been itching to read his books! I miss reading Christian resources.

2007-10-13T21:45:00.001-05:00

I've discovered iTunes radio and podcasts. My solution to listening to music without having to buy new stuff. Yeah! Now I can listen to John MacArthur, James MacDonald and Ravi Zacharias outside of 6-7 pm. Yes, I am a nerd in that way.

2007-09-26T23:17:00.000-05:00

I was reading Matthew 20:1-16, the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard for my devotions one morning. For the first time in a long time, I really felt the Holy Spirit revealing the character of God to me.

The first time going through, I immediately thought, "So, what's the point of this, should I be someone who's hired at the eleventh hour? It can't be that." Realistically, God can be generous all he wants, he's entitled to do whatever. Wouldn't it have made more sense to hire all the workers you needed at the beginning so you can optimize the value of the denarius you're paying? That would make more logical sense.

Then that's when God revealed himself saying "You're assuming that I actually need the workers." That's when it hit me, that God really doesn't need us at all to do his work. We're completely expendable. Yet, he chooses to give us the opportunity to work in his vineyard.

Two other things that were revealed. 1) It's completely by God's grace and not by anything we've earned. 2) God really gives everyone the opportunity to be a part of his kingdom. It break whatever self justification I had in myself and reminds me that I'm a Child of God only by grace. Wow.

On Weddings

2007-09-15T17:49:00.000-05:00

This past month has been really stressful. Anyone who says preparing to play for a wedding is easy has clearly never done it before. Especially when they tell you the day of the rehearsal that you need another song and that Canon in D is forbidden.

It's the biggest honour I've been a part of, to play at someone's wedding. Everyone's got their roles and knows that their job is to make the bride & groom's day perfect. You're no longer a spectator to someone's happiness but rather a voluntary part in the event. I purposely say voluntary because all of us are completely irreplaceable in our roles, yet the bride and the groom chose us to be a part of it.

It isn't because of talent, because there's plenty of people out there who are more talented. It's because we know the bride and groom, but more importantly, we are known by the bride and groom. That is something special.

To be completely honest, I thought singing at a wedding would be no different than singing at a congregation. I was wrong. I've never been so nervous in my entire life because you know you only get one chance to make it good. Martin & Alice, thank you for the honour of playing at your wedding and to share in your big day.

On Bible Studies

2007-09-09T21:17:00.001-05:00

This is an overdue post.

I love preparing for a bible study when you're convicted God's really spoken to you on the topic. When going through the pre-study it just amazes me what came out from the Scriptures to paint the lesson God wanted us to lead.

Coming in, I had the mindset that the bible study leader had to have all the answers to every possible question. I was reminded all God cares about is us giving our best and making sure He's at the centre of the entire process. During the study, it came to me that the leader is primarily responsible for facilitating God's Word and letting God use whomever he chooses to bring across his message. It wasn't about me being the focal point or the instrument to teach God's word, but rather letting the Word manifest itself in the people reading it. The true success of the bible study was everyone sharing their perspective to help one another.

God isn't restricted to me, nor does he need me to study his Word. Knowing that he's at the center of it, and seeing people's enthusiasm for it, is so cool. I believe this is the way its intended to be. Can't wait for the next one.

What a fun week!

2007-09-03T09:09:00.000-05:00

Amazing week. Read Elaine's blog for more.

http://happypillzkid.blogspot.com

Or check out facebook.

On Treasure

2007-08-28T06:11:00.000-05:00

"Arr....Step away from me treasure."

Last night, I had a chance to do a solid devotion after weeks of running around. I've been feeling the need to show down and be still. How refreshing.

The Parable of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl.

44"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

45"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

The one word that struck me was treasure. Intrinsic value. Jesus called for two things, one was to give everything up, but in exchange for something else. I asked myself first, "Why on earth would you give everything up to buy a field which may or may not have anymore treasure when you already have treasure?" The treasure itself is so valuable that it exceeds everything else. It stops me to pause and think if that's how I view the kingdom of heaven right now. Hmmm...

God Answers Prayers

2007-08-12T21:56:00.000-05:00

God's been really good through this time.

He's answered prayers for Xara praise night.
He moved the weather to make prayer night happen last week.
He brought our worship team together to get our congregation really singing.
He's bringing in people who are willing to push Emmanuel forward.

God's really working.

My prayer is that I won't settle for less and believe the lie that everything is OK. There's more to be done. Lord, help me see danger ahead of time and give me the courage to take action on it. Let me see things through your perspective.

Civic Holiday

2007-08-07T22:15:00.001-05:00

Was absolutely Fantastic!

Did a bible study on James 1 and went to Burrito Boyz.
Met up with my former workout partner Jonny, his g/f Celina to visit Shawn and his wife Lisa.
Sat in a hot tub next to a swimming pool by the lake. Ate burgers and enjoyed some Point Black white wine. I think it's called that, I forget. It's the wine Jon used to use for when we had curry or pizza parties back in university. I also got eaten by mosquitoes.
Reclaimed my title as Iron Chef according to Shawn's mom.
Picked fresh blueberries which taste amazing and went to Cobourg beach to swim with the waves.
Started playing Bohnanza and Settlers of Catan. Realized I'm not that great at either.

Short post. Friends are great. Somehow, getting used to not seeing them for months doesn't seem right.

2007-08-01T00:23:00.000-05:00

This is much more difficult that expected, yet at the same time not surprising. I need serious discernment on what's next. I know I'm here to please God and not man. It's His work I'm doing not man's work. All in God's time.

2007-07-04T22:17:00.000-05:00

A friend was telling me that he learned he shouldn't try and fit God into his schedule but rather the other way around. And yet, I can sense God saying the same thing to me.

I see when this summer is heading. I know its going to be busy and I can feel myself starting to over commit even though I've purposely tried not to. I have to accept that I can't try to be good at everything and I can't be everything to everyone. Ultimately, I have to pick what's really important to me and be willing to let go of other things.

Famous People I Would Like To Meet

2007-06-24T00:46:00.001-05:00

Ravi Zacharias
Voddie Baucham
Andy Stanley
John McArthur
Steve Fee

On Excuses

2007-06-07T22:30:00.000-05:00

I believe that God really doesn't care for excuses. The two things that God really spoke to me at IMLC are how I handle my relationships and whether or not God can depend on me. In God's eyes, relationships are everything, yet some cases I treat them as more of a burden than the blessing it is. It's something God is beckoning me towards, yet it seems as though I haven't found the time to do it.

It also leads me to the latter question. I'm uncertain if this is the direction that God is calling me to take next. Honestly, I question how prepared I am to do this, even though God does most of the work. I'm scared that this'll take away from the opportunities to build relationship. Or maybe it's me unwilling to leave my own comfort zone. I feel as though I'm making constant excuses. At some point, you have to realize that it doesn't cut it anymore. So what is my response?

I finally cracked....

2007-05-30T23:12:00.001-05:00

To Facebook.

What have I gotten myself into?????

Random Thoughts On IMLC & STM Missions

2007-05-27T22:57:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know. IMLC (International Mission's Leadership Conference) and STM (Short Term Missions).

I'm trying my best to avoid overly profound entries, but so many thoughts that I want to jot down.

The past two weeks have been an awesome ride. Being able to go on a trip that's goes beyond fun is something special. I've met so many people at the conference who have a passion to serve God. I hope to stay in touch with those people. Anyone who's got a heart to go on missions I encourage it. That being said (and I sound like a broken record at this point to some), be sure that if you go, you're strong in both prayer and bible devotions.

A few random thoughts:

I would like to learn how to speak fluent cantonese and french one day. The language barrier is a difficult obstacle. I'm hoping this isn't a desire that doesn't fade away but one I'll strive for.
The conference and mission's trip showed me that, sometimes you only get one or two chances to make an impact and build a relationship before you go. Relationships are everything in God's eyes.
When you know time is finite, you really try to make the most of everything. I hope that stays true now that I'm back.
Can my faith be bought at a price?
A mission's trip has little to do with the location but everything to do with the lifestyle.

My biggest fear is having what I experienced turn into some sort of spiritual "high" only to have things return back to normal. God has shown me way too much to even think about remaining the same after this. At the conference, I made a commitment to fully submit my life to him. So, the question I ask myself is: If he calls me, will I stand up and go?

Missions Trip Time

2007-05-11T01:18:00.000-05:00

Time for the big dance.

Follow us on:

http://mcaceuropestm2007.blogspot.com/

2007-05-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

I've really been focusing more on devotions and prayer for this Mission's trip. Before, I used to be anxious about not really knowing what I'll be doing there, but now I'm slowly accepting and even embracing what's to come.

I remember reading on Elaine's blog about how mediocrity and laziness have no place in the Christian life. In other words, it is sin and by that, abhored by God. So, if I'm kicking it up a notch on my prayers and devotions now, what exactly was I doing beforehand? What does going to a foreign country have to do with the effort I put into my spiritual walk? I probably need a good kick in the pants to get me jump started.

On a seperate note, I left work at 7 pm two days in a row.

2007-05-07T23:04:00.000-05:00

I have a blender just like the ones they use at the juice bars now.

Time to make some fresh juice!

2007-05-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:1-4

19I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you. 20I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. 21For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 2:19-21

I'm running through the book of Philippians for my devotions and the theme of humility has surfaced a couple of times. The line that struck me today was verse 21 "For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ." I'm usually more concerned about appearing righteous before God, but sometimes I'm wondering if its really for myself or for the interests of Jesus. What does it really mean to be a servant and to imitate Christ's humility? Why do I find this incredibly difficult?

Fresh Festival With Starfield!

2007-05-05T23:29:00.000-05:00

I had a chance to see Starfield perform at People's Church today for Fresh Festival. Part of me was expecting some flash and flair due to their relative popularity. What caught my attention was how humble they came across during their performance. They maybe a popular Christian Rock band, but before anything else, they're followers of Christ. At first glance, you would've sworn that they were merely another worship team, as if to not draw any attention unto themselves. I feel that's a sign of a really strong worship team.

I heard Tony Campolo for the very first time. Elaine told me he was a fantastic speaker and I definitely agree. The main theme he stressed in his talk was going out and living as disciples of Christ, rather than just believers. His challenge to us was whether or not we would make a public declaration of our discipleship on the spot, which left me examining how I'm living my life. A few quotes from the night:

"Isn't it time to decide to do something great in your life?"

"The worse thing you do is do less than the will of God in your life."

"You were created/predistined to do Good works."

"You've become Christian - up to a point."

"Being a disciple is allowing your heart to be broken by the things that break the heart of Jesus."

"What God wants you to do is say 'Yes' and take one step and trust him."

So it asks the question: "Am I a disciple or a believer?"

2007-04-27T00:08:00.000-05:00

What is my song right now?

Ferry Corsten...hmm...

2007-04-19T23:08:00.000-05:00

So, one of the better trance DJ's out there, Ferry Corsten, is coming to the Guvernment July 7, and its $20 dollars at the door! I'm definitely interested in going, but that Emmanuel, not to mention the fact that I have work tomorrow morning. Still....

http://www.ferrycorsten.com/fc.php?lan=eng

University Asian Clubs

2007-04-18T22:47:00.000-05:00

Remember all those Asian clubs that were around in university? Queen's didn't have a shortage of them, from QSEAC (Queen's South East Asian Club), QCSA (Queen's Chinese Student Association) QACC (Queen's Asian Cooking Club), etc. For the most part, being part of a chinese community, outside of KCCF, never really appealled to me. I attribute this to my Oakvillian CBC upbringing. There was a point that I did wonder if I missed out by not being part of those student clubs. Somehow, I doubt it. Would it be cynical for me to think that most people joined these clubs to find someone to "hook up" with, so to speak?

On a seperate note. I've learned how to make homemade chili. It tastes fantastic.

Praise & Worship Rienforced

2007-04-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

1 ^[a] I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

Psalm 34:1

Getting ready to lead worship (co-lead really) when you're sick as a dog is a completely different experience altogether. It is incredibly difficult to genuinely give praise to God when you're sick because at that very moment, you just feel like crap. Throughout the entire episode, part of me kept thinking: "Alright, I know there's something to give praise to God for right now, but I'm not seeing it."

Up to this point, I've never asked myself what praise and worship really meant. I've always equated it to an emotional feel or high that you get when God has blown you away. The entire time that I was practicing and preparing for worship, I didn't "feel" like I was praising God because that emotional high was tempered by my constant coughing. I didn't feel as excited for worship heading into pre-service prayer.

It wasn't until prayer that God clearly spoke to me. He said: "You don't need to sound good to lead worship." The heart of what he had been getting at this entire time was that I had been more concerned with sounding good than coming to God. Praise is the act of exalting God, not only for what's he's done, but for who he is and what he will do. The value of understanding this is made special only in remembering the path it took to learn it.

Pet Peeve - Door to Door Utility Salesmen

2007-04-05T18:26:00.000-05:00

I hate it when a utility salesman knocks on my door around dinner time to try and sell me a price protection plan for electricity or natural gas.

First of all, your interrupting me during my dinner time/relaxing time as if I actually want to be bothered. And secondly, you're trying to rip me off with that price protection plan. Also, who do they think they are by demanding that they see my gas bill. You could at least ask.

Utility Salesman: "We're offering a price protection plan on natural gas. Let me see your natural gas bill."

Me: "That's quite alright."

Utility Salesman: "But if you see here, gas prices have increased 136% since 2004 so we're offering protection from further increases."

Me: "Actually, the gas prices have dropped this past winter. In fact, I believe its set to stay around $8/GJ, so there's no real foreseeable increase. You see, I actually work in an Energy Management department, so I look at this stuff all the time."

Utility Salesman: "Oh. Well, thank you for your time sir. Have a good night."

I probably should've mentioned to him that the natural gas prices skyrocketed in 2006 due to hurricane Katrina, but that might've been overkill.

Seriously, I know they're just doing their job. It burns me that these companies go around and pick on people's fears and lack of knowledge. As if the utility company really has my best interests at heart.

Stingy Asianness

2007-03-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

I've resorted to looking at online flyers as a way to try and save money. I guess I take after my mom in that respect.

On a seperate note, yesterday was absolutely fantastic, for no other reason that good weather that was celebrated with a BBQ at a friend's place. First BBQ of the spring.

On another seperate note, I think I've got all the transportation details for my Amsterdam missions trip sorted out. I won't have to miss any of the conference! Praise God!

On Worship

2007-03-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

"I want my life and the worship I do with my life outside of this room to be what I'm remembered by...that outside and friendship levels and relationships with friends and family, I worshipped well...so what we do with our time, how we treat each other, that's the crux of our worship. And when we come in here, we get to celebrate the one who holds it all together, the one who's going to be victorious in the end...but it come from lives that worship God apart from this gathering, that culminate into this one big flame for the kingdom of God. And that excites me to be a part of. "

~Todd Fields

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual^[a] act of worship.

Romans 12:1

So it was the first time I lead worship for the english congregation. Worship has always been something that was abstract and undefined, but most often I catagorize it with songs. What I've found about leading is that are several factors you have to account for in the 4-5 song set you pick to play and that picking and preparing is far more difficult that I realized. Yet, as important as it is to physically prepare, what holds it all together is our relationship with God. I'm sure this is pretty fundamental, but to see it in application leaves me in awe.

The experience itself as a whole was memorable. No question we were off on a few of the songs, but in the end we saw what is a usually a rather silent congregation come out and sing. The biggest compliment I received was someone telling me that "the presence of God was definitely felt." Humbling was knowing that the God used whatever would offer to make it work, answering one of my prayers. From it, I have a gained a tremedous respect for vocalists, leaders and greater appreciation for my band members. Definitely without them, none if this could happen. My perspective on worship is drastically altered.

Mmm...steak...

2007-03-19T19:15:00.000-05:00

I finally got the chance to celebrate my good performance review with my family on sunday. At the recommendation of my brother we went to a place called Ruth's Chris Steak House. I had never heard of it before but apparently there's over 100 chains in North America. All I can say is that I've never had a better steak in my life. 12 oz U.S. prime rib-eye seared in butter. (mmm...steak) They have a prime time dinner package that includes salad or lobster bisque (I got the bisque), side dish (my family shared creamed spinach, mushrooms and steak frites) and dessert (mango sorbet). All for $54 (tax & gratuity excluded). Highly recommended.

Leafs Win!

2007-03-14T23:06:00.000-05:00

So I got to fulfill one of my dreams yesterday and see a Maple Leafs game. I was supposed to go with a buddy of mine from school, Jay, but he got sick, so Johnny filled it. They were such good tickets! 100 Level Reds!!!! The hockey game was really entertaining and we saw Mats Sundin make a sick deke play to score on Tampa Bay. For a long time I had boycotted hockey because of the strike. Now, I just won't watch them on TV but still follow them.

Other notable things that happened that night:

We had Burrito Boyz for dinner
Johnny was seen on the TV above centre ice and is now a celebrity
We saw some white guy in cowboy boots doing white man dances. (Robot, spinkler, you name it)

Also, my Steve Fee album (Burn For You) finally came in from Altanta. Steve Fee is one of my favourite worship leaders. His style is very fast paced and energetic. "All Because Of Jesus" and "We Shine" are both fantastic songs off the album. Those of you that have been to church when I've been playing should be familiar with the first song. =D

Budget Lunches

2007-03-12T20:38:00.002-05:00

So, in my attempts to save money, I've drastically altered what I eat for lunch to find a happy medium between cheap and healthy. My boss is on a health kick where he buys wraps, salads or soups that total around $9.00 at a place called Fit For Life. I've come up with a more cost-effective solution that I call Cheap For Life.

My Lunch:

1/2 Can Of Baked Beans
1 Can of Tuna/Salmon/Sardines
Bananas or fruit that is on sale.

Cost: ~$2-$3

My Snack:

Tim Hortons Plain Tea Biscuit
Rolled Oats (Dry)

Cost: less than $1

Say what you want, it works so far...although I don't recommend buying the beans made with Maple Syrup. That was gross. Frugality, must be the asian in me.

On Fellowship

2007-03-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

For the first time, I began to see fellowship as a living body, not so much as a event, place or an organization. I've heard it all the time, but never begun to appreciate what it means until you see its members victories ands struggles . That completely changed my understanding and mentality towards fellowship and serving.

22And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Ephesians 1:22-23

One thing you should know about us Aquariuses...

2007-03-07T23:52:00.000-06:00

We're just wacky, weird people....but honest and friendly!

Apparently I'm:

friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual

And on the Dark Side:

Intractable and contrary
Perverse and unpredictable
Unemotional and detached

To be honest, it sounds exactly like me to a tee. I just wonder if its because I read this at a very young age and it stuck or if there's actually something to be said about the zodiacs. I tend to lean towards the fore rather than the latter. Agree or disagree?

http://www.astrology-online.com/aquarius.htm

Weirdness outside of Goodlife

2007-03-07T07:14:00.000-06:00

So, last saturday I went to Goodlife and the moment I stepped out of my car, so random guy in van stopped in front of me:

Random Guy: "Yo! You're going to think I'm crazy, but my distributor made a mistake and left me this extra home entertainment system! I'll sell it to you for really cheap!"
Me: "Umm...I don't much money on me." [Thinking] "Hmm...I bet this was stolen and it sounds like you've been smoking something."
Random Guy: "You sure, like, I'm not kidding, whatever money you have."
Me: "That's quite alright." [Thinking] "Stop talking to me."

I would've gotten the license plate of the van expect the plates were taken off. No suprise there. It's only a bit suspicious. It's a beat-up burgundy chevrolet minivan. Maybe you've seen it before.

2007-03-07T07:13:00.000-06:00

What I've always thought was meant by "true" friendship has been challenged inside and out.

2007-03-05T00:22:00.000-06:00

"Evil, justice, love and forgiveness. There is only one place in history where all four converge."

- Ravi Zacharias

Ravi is amazing!

On Tithing

2007-03-01T23:19:00.001-06:00

One of the promises I made this year was to tithe 10% back to God. I remember listening on the radio about tithing and how the speaker would rather have 10% of God and 90% himself over 100% himself and it got me thinking.

Malachi 3:10 says:

10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

The way the verse comes off is as if God is daring us to test his faithfulness, which got me excited in a "Cool, show me" sort of way. So far, God has definitely provided more blessings that I can keep track of.

There's a few things about tithing I've found. One, you start thinking of innovative ways to adapt to meet your budget (even though I've still yet to meet mine). Two, you find out that money is only that, money. And lastly, the money itself really isn't mine, but something God's loaned to me.

The last point really hit me. Everything I have really belongs to God in the first place, so offering my tithe isn't really giving to God something that's mine. In fact, I can't offer anything that really belongs to me outside of myself. That's when it occured to me that this is what God was really after in the first place.

True Friendship

2007-03-01T21:35:00.000-06:00

I was talking to my PK co-worker about an situation I've been wrestling with over the past week with my friend. One one hand, I don't condone her actions whatsoever, on the other hand I understand why she does it. When you feel you've lost respect for someone, it's really hard to be genuinely friends with them. So then, I have to decide where I stand.

My friend's advice, which God was definitely speaking through her. (Paraphrased)

"True friendship isn't about what you can get from the person, but what you can offer to them...(I'll add the rest once I remember it)"

Really, I believe I've had my approach about friendship all backwards without even knowing it. It's one of those moments where you're wowed by the beauty and simplicity of that wisdom and humbled by it when you compared to how you treat your friends. As Elaine would put it, "God slapped me in the face." on that one.

Good News

2007-02-26T22:15:00.000-06:00

I had a chance to catch up with a few friends from KCCF saturday. One of them was my old 311 Cell Group leader Steph. She was one of the very first people I got to know when I started going to fellowship. One of the conversation we both remembered vividly was on a bus ride up to winter retreat. Talking about why I was seeking, going to fellowship, telling my story. That was three years ago. Fast forward to now, we started sharing about where God was leading us in our lives. I got to tell her about the missions trip I was preparing for in May and my burden for the truth and she shared about how God had opened the door for her to teach in Hong Kong and have the opportunity to be a positive influence over there.

One of the things she noted was how much I've grown and I guess its true. It's one of those things that is always great to hear from someone else because it reminders me that God has been continually be faithful. It always gets me excited when I hear about someone elses victory in Christ and I suppose sharing my own victories provides encouragement. So, it means my cell-group leader is going to pursue her dreams (and be with her boyfriend) at the expense of leaving us behind. It's sad, but in a way it makes me happy because she's moving to bigger and better things.

On a completely seperate note. I had my yearly review and they've been greatly impressed with my work to the point where they've given me a raise and put me at a managerial level now! It feels good to be recognized. Also, the flight to Europe is now booked. This missions/conference is starting to become a reality.

Joined the Goodlife Crew

2007-02-22T23:32:00.000-06:00

Yup. I've been sucked in by the promise of working out with friends, cheaper rates and access to most Goodlife gyms I want. Expensive Toronto gyms, see you later!

Idolatry of Individualism

2007-02-18T21:07:00.000-06:00

This was from the church sermon today. It was as if God was shouting in my ears directly.

Some of us hesitate to commit ourselves to developing an intentional plan of growth for our members because we believe spiritual growth is a personal and private matter. Rather than interfere, we choose to allow each person to develop in his own way at his own rate.

This is an American aberration from the truth. The idolatry of individualism in our culture has influenced even the way we think about spiritual growth. So much of the teaching on spiritual formation is self-centered and self-focused without any reference to our relationship to other Christians. This is completely unbiblical and ignores much of the New Testament.

-Rick Warren

There's a saying that goes: "If you can't say Amen, you gotta say ouch."

Courage

2007-01-31T18:23:00.000-06:00

Courage, also known as fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It can be divided into "physical courage" — in face of physical pain, hardship, and threat of death — and "moral courage" — in the face of shame, scandal, and discouragement.

Encourage, To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten.

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Stand up and claim your identity.

2007-01-31T18:21:00.000-06:00

I finished reading "for one more day" by Mitch Albom. I liked this book a lot better than "five people you meet in heaven", although not nearly as much as "Tuesdays with Morrie." Highly recommended.

2007-01-29T18:12:00.000-06:00

This post is for Alana, so I may be a bit more edgumicated.

This is the flag of Nevis.

From Wikipedia:

Nevis is an island in the Caribbean near the top of the Lesser Antilles archipelago, about 220 miles (350 km) southeast of Puerto Rico and 50 miles (80 km) west of Antigua. The 36 square-mile (93 km²) island is part of the Leeward Islands and is located at latitude 17.15°N and longitude 62.58°W. The capital of Nevis is Charlestown. Nevis is federated with Saint Kitts in the Federation of Saint Kitts and Nevis. The two islands are separated by a 2-mile (3.22 km) wide channel.

Nevis is conical in shape, with a volcanic peak at the centre. The island is fringed by long strands of golden sand beaches and has a coastline intermittently protected by coral reefs. The colour of the sand is a result of the mixture of coral, foraminifera and volcanic sand. The most famous beach is the 4-mile (6.44 km) long Pinney's Beach on the west coast. In the lush interior, rivers and ponds fill up seasonally, and the gently sloping coastal plain (0.6 miles/1 km wide) also has natural fresh water springs, especially along the west coast. The island was named Oualie ("Land of Beautiful Waters") by the Caribs and Dulcina ("Sweet Island") by the early British settlers.^[3] The name Nevis is derived from Spanish, Nuestra Señora de las Nieves ("Our Lady of the Snows"), a name given the island in 1493 by Christopher Columbus who thought the clouds over Nevis Peak made the island resemble a snow-capped mountain.

The majority of the approximately 12,000 inhabitants of Nevis are of African descent. English is the official language and the literacy rate, 98 percent, is one of the highest in the Western Hemisphere. The Caribbean Examination Council (CXC) Conference paper presented at The St. Kitts and Nevis Country Conference, University of the West Indies, Barbados, May 2000 and the Cambridge General Certificate of Education Examination (GCE) results of students in Nevis are consistently among the highest in the English-speaking Caribbean.^[4]^[5]

I feel so smart.

2007-01-29T03:56:00.000-06:00

Tossed and turned in my bed all night and gave up the notion of sleep at 5 am. I was planning on doing devotions at 5 am anyways, althought not quite like this. I suspect today is going to be a rough day.

If I can make it to the gym at 6 am, I would've pulled off a Geoff Low.

2007-01-29T02:14:00.000-06:00

It's been almost one month into the new year and I've read the following so far:

The Wealthy Barber (Dave Chilton)
The Automatic Millionaire (David Bach)
The Unquenchable Worshipper (Matt Redman)
Rich Dad, Poor Dad (Robert Kiyosaki)

I've got "For Mone more day" and "Mere Christianity" in my queue. I'm hoping to get my hands on Blink when I get the chance. At this rate, it'll last me only a week. I need more books.

If Only

2007-01-29T01:37:00.000-06:00

I got this from one of the daily emails by Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). In short, the ministy is about reaching and challenging those who shape the ideas of a culture with the credibility and the beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ through apologetics. Ravi Zacharias I had first heard about from Lee Strobel's "The Case For Faith". The man is phemonenal. The entry below is from one of his associate writers Jill Carattini. Absolutely thought provoking.

Hindsight is 20/20. We know the truth of the expression from experience. "If only I would have taken a different street, I wouldn't be stuck in traffic." "If only I would have quit while I was ahead, I wouldn't be stuck in this situation." Such thoughts are unending: If I would have paid closer attention, if I would have pushed a little harder, if I would have stopped pushing... if only I knew then what I know now, things would have turned out differently.

Quite probably in many cases that is true. If we knew beforehand what we know after the fact, things could have very well turned out differently. Yet equally wrapped up somewhere within this "if only" mindset is the thought that things would not only have turned out differently but that they would also have turned out better. Knowing this would take much more than 20/20 vision. Standing on the other side of knowing gives us a different perspective, to be sure. But to assume that because of that perspective we now see perfectly is a perilous oversight.

The Israelites often cried out to God in the belief that they were seeing perfectly. The shackles that bound them to Egypt and misery were broken off before their eyes. God moved them from slavery to freedom via the floor of the Red Sea, putting before his people a sign momentous enough to make an impression upon each day ahead of them. Yet walking through the adversities of the desert, they cried out as if never having seen the hand that was leading them. "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?" (Numbers 14:2-3).

It seems the view from hindsight can be as misleading as it is insightful. The Israelite's mistreatment at the hands of the Egyptians was overlooked in their perception of the other side of the Red Sea. Moreover, their deliverance at the hands of God in hindsight was seen as unremarkable and unrelated to their need for Him in the present.

The cry of "if only" is all too often a cry of distrust. The seemingly harmless expression insists that we know best, that we know what is better, that we know what we need. Like the Israelites in their forgetful wailing we are often certain that we not only know what will make our situations better, but what will finally make us happy. We always seem to know just the thing our lives are missing. "If only we had meat to eat" the Israelites insisted, "we would be satisfied." But they were not, and we are no more successful. In reality, what we need is often a far cry from what we think we need. Can you not look back to a prayer and thank God that He didn't answer it? It is a thought we do well to take with us into all our crying out to God.

G.K. Chesterton speaks in a poem of the posture we often forget when the cry to change the past or achieve the perfect future emerges from our lips. He writes,

Thank God the stars are set beyond my power,
If I must travail in a night of wrath,
Thank God my tears will never vex a moth,
Nor any curse of mine cut down a flower.

Instead, the Christian is given the freedom of thankfulness that the one listening to her prayers sits with wisdom far greater than her own. For even Job who cried, "If only I had never come into being, or had been carried straight from the womb to the grave" found in the end that he had spoken out of turn. But we can thank God that his thoughts are beyond our own, that He knows the longings we express and the ones we do not know to express. We can thank God for the promise that all things work together for good--our trials, our mistakes, our past, our future.

God is at work even in the moments when we would cry
"if only." And his own "if only's" are far more sobering. As Christ approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace" (Luke 19:41). He who parted the Red Sea is with you. Rest assured, He knows your need and so reveals Himself that you might also.

Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

Co-leading Worship

2007-01-28T22:44:00.000-06:00

Today I co-led for the first time. I've been itching to do this for months now. It's interesting, when you're in the congregation you can tell what's going on with the team and whether or not they're playing or worshipping. You can also tell when the congregation is really feeling God's presence. Coming from KCCF, I was accustomed to worship that was on fire, people who sang their hearts out for God, people who had passion expressed outwardly. Back in the home church, its different. I wonder if its the chinese culture (whereby people express their love of God by being as stoic and expressionless as possible) of people not really feeling God.

When you stand up there, you can see who is really into the worship and who is disinterested. I firmly believe it's possible to have this church standing up and enthusiastically praising God. Worship on its own its meant to be an intimate expression of our joy in God, which its hard because the church setting isn't what I'd necessarily call intimidate. Perhaps the solution is to become the change which I want to see. A new step in my walk. Full of frustrations, joy, hardships, encouragement alike. Bring it on. =D

Confirmed

2007-01-24T20:34:00.000-06:00

I'm set to be speaking the weekend February 3rd at a conference I used to be part of.

Check it out under the speaker section:

http://www.queenscirque.com/

Also, there's a picture of when I got my head shaved for Cuts for Cancer in 4th year.

http://clubs.myams.org/helpinghand/cuts/waystohelp.html

Man, I miss Queen's sometimes.

2007-01-22T19:38:00.000-06:00

Thanks for everyone who came out to Dave & My Birthday Shindig. It's great to see all of you outside of a church setting (which is rare for me). I know I don't say it nearly enough, but each and everyone of you mean a lot to me. =D

Pictures to come soon.

2007-01-18T19:04:00.000-06:00

I've finished off "The Unquenchable Worshipper" by Matt Redman and "The Wealthy Barber" by David Chilton. Thanks again Geoff for lending me "The Unquenchable Worshipper"! I found it refreshing and changed my perspective on worship. "The Wealthy Barber" was good, but towards the end I started to lose interest. To much people talking back and forth and not to the point enough.

The next books are "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki and "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom.

Also, I'm confirmed to speak in Kingston on February 3rd! I'm excited!!! Now I've got to get my presentation ready.

On a seperate note, Dave and my birthday celebrations are coming up! Yay 24! (I think...someone please tell me 24 is a good age)

Calvin & Hobbes

2007-01-17T22:44:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favourite cartoons. You know, I think Calvin had it all figured out.

Little Things Make My Weekend

2007-01-13T19:58:00.000-06:00

It was one of those days where nothing incredibly special or noteworthy happened, but still a good weekend.

I went to MEC and got a replacement strap for my carry-on bag. MEC is fantastic.
I had my first Burrito Boyz chicken burrito under Julian's recommendation. Do you know they have a halibut Burrito??!?!
Did a strong leg workout and tried skipping for the first time since grade school.
Read the book that Geoff gave me for Christmas, "Automatic Millionaire" by David Bach. A fantastic book! I tore through it in one day and even bought a copy that I'll give to my friend.
Got to enjoy the fantastic weather. Heat Island effect or Global Warming, whatever is causing it.
Skipped Rope for the first time in years. I suck at it.
Watched 4 episodes of 24 Season 6. Season Premiere!!!! Soo Good!

As a side note; while I was waiting for my burritoes, two blond girls walk in and start talking about the David Beckham soccer deal.

Blond Girl 1: I can't believe David Beckham has got like what? A $250 million dollar deal for five years. How much is that per year?
Blond Girl 2: I think that like, around $38 million or so.
Blond Girl 1: Actually, I think more like $75 million.
Me: [Thinking]....Umm....Oh my....

Now, I've never been one to believe the whole blonde stereotype...but...that makes me think twice.

Back to my original point. I'm a simple creature. Little things make me happy.

Investment Tips of the Day

2007-01-11T18:27:00.000-06:00

I'm currently reading David Chilton's "The Wealthy Barber". I've been meaning to get a better handling on this whole financing game because I know its really, really important to start early. The only thing I've learned from the book so far is how crazy compound interest really accumulates. That is...if you know where to invest to get a 12% return. How the heck am I going to find that??

On a seperate note I've been trying to save up to get a bike for a while. It occured to me yesterday that my bike could really be a cost savings investment on top of a something I can ride around in. How so? I'm glad you asked! Suppose I spend $1000-$1500 on the bike and that It costs me roughly $20 a week to use the TTC. That's roughly $1000 in TTC expenses annually!!! If I am able to bike the work for 3 months of the year instead of taking the TTC, I can save approximately $250. Which means, my bike would pay itself back in 4-6 years assuming I remain in bikable distance to my workplace during that time. Yay financial nerdiness!

Really, I just want to get the bike. The cost savings part is gravy. =D

Pool Nostalgia

2007-01-04T21:57:00.000-06:00

I've been craving a good length swim for many months now. The problem with condominium pools are that once you push off, you're pretty much done your length. It's like the Saturday Night Live skit with Jim Carrey as the Lifegaurd of a jacuzzi, where they have the guy come in for lap swimming. I found the clip on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpsL1r5jMBY

So today, I finally came across one close to my place and it's a 50 meter pool! Douglas Snow, I don't know who you were, but thank you for the Aquatic Center! Walking into the change room, seeing old-school lockers, showers and the pool deck reminds me of the PEC back at Queen's. I even saw one of those multi-coloured clocks that reminded me of swimming lessons and lifeguarding. Bronze Cross anyone?

Forgotten in all this nostalgia is that my body wasn't used to the swimming and tired out after a couple of laps. I even tried doing a kicking only with a flutterboard, which was murder. So now I have a new place to go after work to do exercise. Yeah!

Also, I wound up talking to Kaori on MSN last night. I managed to get around to sharing my testimony with her. I really hope it helps. Long Distance Evangelizing! Elaine, if you're reading this, Kaori's wife-carrying movie was very well documented and very interesting. Glad I went with Johnny and Nikki.

Rant Post

2007-01-03T22:22:00.000-06:00

Not exactly how I wanted to start blogging in the new year. Normally, I don't post about things I read in the news, but I found this rather disturbing. I believe Canada is becoming the West's version of the Netherlands. Somehow that's not surprising. What's next, polygamy?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070103/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_parents

Delayed New Years Post

2007-01-03T21:11:00.000-06:00

One of the cool things about blogging is that you can look back and remember exactly what mood you were in when you wrote that entry. It's cool to pause for a moment and see how God has transformed you. Last year, it was about fundamentals and the little things, which I definitely still needed work on.

A few things God's revealed to me in 2006:

I love playing worship and engaging in apologetics
I definitely enjoy cooking for others along with the money it saves rather than eating out
I can be as blunt as a pair of children's scissors
I am way too serious and contemplative for my own good
I feel nothing is impossible when I wholly seek God's face.
I care way too much about my real or percieved weaknesses
For the first time, I see my walk with God as a relationship rather than a lifestyle.
God has blessed me with great friends that I don't hang out with nearly enough or tell them how much I value their friendship.
God is good. He is really really good.
The list could go on....

A few things I feel God is calling me for in 2007:

Leading english worship
Missions?
Observing the Sabbath rest on Sundays
Stronger friendships
Overcome the past
Being less "busy"
Adventures
Fond Memories

God's blessed me with an assortment of tools, now its a matter of putting it all together. It's going to be special.

2007-01-01T03:10:00.000-06:00

God has really instilled in me a burden and desire for his Truth. It started when one of my friend's was told that the story of Jesus was in fact, made up and she believed it. Usually, I'm never quick to anger, but that's something that set me off.

This past year, I've developed a passion for apologetics. The general stereotype that I've heard about is that most of us were brought up Christian and we follow the "religion" because it's what we were conditioned to think growing up. What's interesting is that from a scientific, historical and philosphical perspective, there's more evidence supporting God and Christ than against. (I may sound completely biased at this point, but I would definitely encourage those to look into it for themselves.) Sometimes, I forget God calls us to preach the gospel and makes disciples, and that apologetics is supplemental to our faith, not the core of it.

At my friend's wedding, a few of us were having coffee at Tim Horton's after the wedding ceremony. The wedding itself had a very strong Christian theme to it (scriptures, worship songs, having the pastor speak about marriage) and for some of my non-Christian friends that were there, it was like they were in a church service. Naturally, something like that would lead to some sort of discussion which I felt God was calling me to listen rather than speak. An exerpt from it was below:

Girl 1: I felt like I was in a church service and not a wedding ceremony. You know, if you believe in religion and it makes you a better person, that's great. For me, all that matters is that you live a good moral life.

Girl 2: Yeah! Like, I think I'm a good person and I don't follow religion.

Sunday's sermon mentioned that it's not how much you know, but how much you care that counts. We're living testimonies of the work Christ has done in our lives. There should be an aura that radiates about us. But what good is that aura if it lukewarm or if its unseen? How can I show them the peace and hope I have in Christ if I'm never physically present to share it? What good is it if we only have part of the truth in our lives? 2007, I want to show the world God's Truth, which calls for my full submittal. For if they can't see it in my own life, then how can the know that there's something better out there? How can I expect them to believe?

I'm a Book Nerd!

2006-12-26T21:45:00.000-06:00

That's right. A book nerd. I have no shame in saying it. Sometimes on a friday or saturday night there's nothing I'd rather do than read. I've also become a huge C.S. Lewis fan! The man can write!

I'm currently reading the book "Miracles" by him, which is a logical and phisophical argument for Miracles and evidence supporting the existence of the supernatural, specifically in reference to the resurrection. I've already got 5 books in the queue for 2007. (Two of them which have been lent/given to me by Geoff. If you're reading this Geoff, you're the man.) . The list goes, in no particular order:

The Unquenchable Worshipper - Matt Redman
The Wealthy Barber - David Chilton
The Automatic Millionaire - David Bach
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis
For one more day - Mitch Albom

My sister gave me "For one more day", which I'm interested to read. Mitch Albom did very well with "Tuesday's With Morrie." "The Wealthy Barber" is actually a book I gave to my brother for Christmas last year and he highly recommended that I read it. For this year, the theme of practical financial advice continued when I got him "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". And I've actually read "Mere Christianity" already, but its a book I want to read again and go further indepth.

I hope all of you had a fantastic Christmas!

Let me know if you have any books you'd recommend.

2006-12-07T22:46:00.000-06:00

I've had this post stewing in my head over the past couple of weeks. It all started when I was a pallbearer for my friend's grandfather's funeral. The pastor speaking talked about how we go through life with this constant feeling of inadequacy and more often then not our action reflect are more of an attempt to fill that God-sized void. That same God-sized void that causes people who chase after fame, money, pleasure thinking that it would fill them only to find that it never does.

All of us have our own inadequacies. We all have imperfections. By falling short of the God's mark, we are incomplete. The question I've constantly asked to God is: "In your eyes, am I good enough?" and "Do you look upon me with favour?". For there is a sense of desperation to make up for lost time, thinking to myself, if I push hard enough I can get myself on level ground. The more I try, the more I find how far off the mark I really am. So far off that its impossible to get myself on level ground doing things on my own accord, no matter how well intentioned or how much in line with Christ I think my actions may be.

The humbling truth is that without God I am wholly inadequate. Sometimes my decision making isn't based on what I desired to do, but more what I desire to run far away from.
It seems like I'm left with two options in the present: Either I can go and tackle as many of my inadequacies as possible or I can try to find peace with them. To focus solely on the fore would take a lifetime at the expense of building relationship. To focus solely on the latter would deny God in transforming me.

The reality is, God calls me to do both. While doing either action may be good, it isn't necessarily Godly. What counts is whether or not I trust God completely with how to change me. Whether or not I fully submit to God. What gets forgotten is that God is infinitesimally bigger than me and he's got a plan. Jesus came to give us full life did he not? It can only happen if I strive to completely persue God, which leaves me with one response: Screw my inadequacies, I want life.

Surprises

2006-12-03T22:14:00.000-06:00

When I was home, I noticed there was sheet music for "How Great Thou Art" sitting on our piano. Those of you who know my story know full well I'm the only Christian in my family. So seeing that music peaked my curiosity. I was downstairs later when I heard someone playing it on the piano. Low and behold, it was none other than my mom who was playing it. I don't think I've ever seen my mom play the piano up until this point. It turns out "How Great Thou Art" was my mom's favourite hymn growing up (she was brought up Catholic), and interestingly enough we had played part of that song for service.

The big stunner was finding out that both my mom and dad had actually attended the 8:15 service earlier that day. The last time they'd set foot in a church was when I was baptized 2+ years ago. Before that....possibly when Nintendo was first coming out. It's the encouragement I've been needing. Intermittently, I had been praying for my family, but it feels like my prayers had become a broken record. In my head, I know God has heard my prayers, but the struggle has been for my will to harmonize with that conviction. For my faith to surface. It's comforting to know that I'm not going through this struggle by myself and God is doing his thing. I feel ashamed for doubting.

This absolutely made my day. It made this morning's rather choppy worship a distant memory. On a side note, I've finally completed my section of the scrapbook our Panama family is sending out to Ricky. Oh, and for the record, Jennifer Duncan is the definition of scrapbook fanatic. Have a good week!

Random Cantonese Lesson

2006-11-21T00:51:00.000-06:00

ki to
yi so

san yut fai lok
san lin fai lok
sing dan fai lok

ging tan
che
op

dim see
dim lo

I forgot a few of the words, but I remember the most important two! Thanks Elaine!

Yay Weekend!

2006-11-13T19:41:00.000-06:00

This was an awesome weekend! Period. A couple of thoughts.

So, the much bally-hooed 80's/trailer park boys party lived up to expectations on friday. Thanks so much Alana!

Everyone had wicked costumes, although first prize went to Steph.

The tattoes are hilarous. Although mine is still sticking on my arm after trying to wash it off.

I got pwned by Usher's Burn in Kareoke Revolution. Man Usher can sing high. My hats off to him. My voicebox hurts now.

Dave had a great time. Thanks for everyone who talked to him and made him feel at home. Some of you may have noticed that he and I are on the complete opposite spectrum in every sense. Liberal Left meets Conservative Right. Agnostic meets Christian. Political Science meets Engineer. Somehow we're good friends since high school.

Borat was a rather appalling movie. There's some funny lines, but definitely it goes a bit over the edge.

Brought my brothers to basketball. Both of them are really enjoying it and it's exposing them to a church crowd. I'm hoping its a starting point. Keep praying.

My guitar is finally fixed!! I miss my baby! :D

My friend from Ottawa, Sharon is coming down this weekend for a teachers conference. She is one of the most interesting people I know.

Oh! In February I'm going up to Kingston to speak at their Engineering Conference. I'll be giving a seminar on job searching to the undergrads. I'm excited! The wise alumni giving the kids advice. Hehe

See you all soon.

Harsh Realities...

2006-11-12T21:10:00.000-06:00

Being a kid born and raised in Oakville and having done my schooling at Queen's, I definitely can't say I grew up in a rough or tough neighbourhood. Not to say I didn't have my own challenges growing up (which there were) or that we weren't exposed to things like drugs or teenage sex (it's gotten a lot worse I've been told), but overall I'd say I've been rather protected from a lot of worse things. I've always heard of stories where the kid leaves their parents home at an early age because of the domestic situation, drops out or doesn't go beyond university; gets into drugs; maybe did the deed and wound up having a kid or two and can barely get by.

I remember when I used to work as an Office Clerk in The Exhibition's Cleaning department did I meet such characters. I don't really know what their circumstances were or what were the choices they made, all I know is that seeing it scared the death out of me and motivated me want to work as hard as I can.

It's hard to fathom that this is someone's reality. Admittedly and selfishly, I'd actually prefer not to fathom it. On saturday, Dave and I were planning on seeing the Borat movie (which was a pretty brutal movie) at Yorkdale. Unfortunately the original show was sold out and we had to settle for the 10:30 show, giving us 2 1/2 hours to kill. We ran into Eddy and Shirley in Yorkdale oddly enough.

In any event, to kill time we went to the Chapters to look at books. I was looking around in the Christian section when a young woman came up and asked me if there's a book I could recommend to help her through some problems she's been having. In her words: "I really need a book to help me out because I've just been through a lot over the past two days." We came across a book that was suitable for her but she could barely afford it. It's at this point God tells me to buy her this book and more importantly, hear her story.

It turns out this person was brought up in the church and raised in a church home, fell away from Christ but came back three years ago. She felt that the church wasn't there for her in her time of need and there were issues going on at home. Left the church and her family a long time ago and moved out on her own. She looks like she's in her mid twenties, so I was left speechless when I found out she had a 10 and an 8 year old. She was in a common law arraingement with her fiance, whose an unbeliever and had physically abused her two days prior on suspicion that she was cheating on him. She immediately moved out and doesn't know if she can make ends meet and has no family support. All I can remember is her saying "What am I going to do, how am I going to make this month?" Desperate.

To me, it's black and white. If she's in an abusive relationship, then he's forfeited his role as husband (common-law or not) and father figure. No matter how dire her financial situation may be, it can't justify going back and exposing her kids to a potentially dangerous and spiritually toxic environment. The only thing that I could suggest was for her to make amends with her mom and stop running away from everything that happened to her in the past. I prayed for her before she had to leave.

I'll admit, there's a skeptical side of me that wonders if this was a scam, but for the most part, I think everything she said was true. Another side of me can't help but wonder if she's ever taken ownership of the choices she's made or if she blames others. Nonetheless, this is reality for her. I feel for her kids because they're the ones who get hurt the most. I wonder if they'll make it through. There's no doubt, I believe God will provide for them. It's just that they'll go through so many struggles that I could never begin to comprehend. When I play everything back in my head, I think of how many things had to happen to make that situation unfold. Thank you God for that opportunity. I feel nothing but humility.

12:30 am....

2006-11-10T00:50:00.000-06:00

A new record for staying late at work. I'm tired.

Engineers Re-Unite

2006-11-09T05:45:00.000-06:00

Last night, Noel, Shawn and myself met up after work to catch up over dinner. It's always interesting how the conversations have evolved from university. It's been over a year and now we talk about our jobs, job politics, memories, where everyone is going in life and, of course, nerdy engineering talk. You know you're surrounded by engineers when the conversation switches from structural calculations to power load measurements to HVAC and heating equipment. At one point Noel was drawing a diagram of how Victoria gets its power from the main land, switching the current from 3-phase AC to DC and inverting it back to AC to minimize power loss. (Yay Power Systems!)

I'm happy that everyone's has landed on their feel after undergrad. Everyone is going in different directions on so many levels. Some are getting married, some are getting into the housing market, some are leaving permenantly for greener pastures. I hope for the best, because you don't know what the future holds in a years time. That 5 year reunion deal is gonna come sooner than we think.

Random Babble

2006-11-06T21:34:00.000-06:00

So, I was unexpectly invited to have dinner with Jon (J-dawg) and his friend from work Ann, who is from Korea. THAT was a lot of fun! On the menu was teriyaki steak, pesto chicken fetuccine and vegetables. So much food!! There's nothing more satisfying than cooking dinner with friends, especially a dinner that would've cost you twice as much at a restaurant and probably only marginally better.

Originally Ann had said that she didn't know how to cook so I was trying to teach her the basics. I probably took it a bit too literally when I was telling her that we have to wait for the water to boil to cook the pasta. I thought to myself "She may be from another country but she probably knows how to turn on a stove and put a pot of water on it..."..Hmm...

I also learned that what Koreans called water isn't what we think water is. When I think water, I think of crystal clear liquid, so I was a bit confused when Ann pours me something that looks like apple juice while she was calling it water. So imagine my surprise when my water had a coffee/tea taste to it. Apparently that's what they call water over there.

Speaking of coffee, has anyone heard of Coca Cola Blak? It's suppose to be a mix Coke with coffee flavour. I don't know what combination they were trying to pull off but the drink was rather gross. At least the bottle looked cool.

Another One Leaving...

2006-11-05T22:17:00.001-06:00

So another friend is going to be leaving Canada soon. That's three I know of so far. Noel's a guy I got to know pretty well in 4th year. He is one of the most upbeat and high energy guys I have ever met. I'm suppose to meet up with him on Wednesday to catch up and say our farewells over a pint. He's bought himself a one-way ticket to Australia with an work permit in hand. What's in Australia? Why, his girlfriend who's an amazing person. Here's a few pictures from the end of 4th year.

Noel and I celebrating at the Brass after completing our 4th year exams. Notice the tan coloured engineering jacket in all in glory. Wonderful times. Also notice how I don't wear that jacket because it is brutally ugly looking outside of Queen's. (Not to mention filled with memories of the greasepole...Secret Queen's Engineering Tradition)

Jon, Me, Shawn, Donna and Noel sporting our Iron Rings that we worked so hard to get for four years. Tap...tap...tap

The girl in the bottom left corner is reason Noel is trading in the cold and frosty confines of Canada for the great Down Under. Her name is Jane and she's a pretty cool girl.

Noel and Jane. BTW: As the story goes, in March (one month before exams were done) Jane surprised Noel by coming from Australia to stay with him for the remainder of the year.

I can't wait to see the guy.