I've had this post stewing in my head over the past couple of weeks. It all started when I was a pallbearer for my friend's grandfather's funeral. The pastor speaking talked about how we go through life with this constant feeling of inadequacy and more often then not our action reflect are more of an attempt to fill that God-sized void. That same God-sized void that causes people who chase after fame, money, pleasure thinking that it would fill them only to find that it never does.
All of us have our own inadequacies. We all have imperfections. By falling short of the God's mark, we are incomplete. The question I've constantly asked to God is: "In your eyes, am I good enough?" and "Do you look upon me with favour?". For there is a sense of desperation to make up for lost time, thinking to myself, if I push hard enough I can get myself on level ground. The more I try, the more I find how far off the mark I really am. So far off that its impossible to get myself on level ground doing things on my own accord, no matter how well intentioned or how much in line with Christ I think my actions may be.
The humbling truth is that without God I am wholly inadequate. Sometimes my decision making isn't based on what I desired to do, but more what I desire to run far away from.
It seems like I'm left with two options in the present: Either I can go and tackle as many of my inadequacies as possible or I can try to find peace with them. To focus solely on the fore would take a lifetime at the expense of building relationship. To focus solely on the latter would deny God in transforming me.
The reality is, God calls me to do both. While doing either action may be good, it isn't necessarily Godly. What counts is whether or not I trust God completely with how to change me. Whether or not I fully submit to God. What gets forgotten is that God is infinitesimally bigger than me and he's got a plan. Jesus came to give us full life did he not? It can only happen if I strive to completely persue God, which leaves me with one response: Screw my inadequacies, I want life.
All of us have our own inadequacies. We all have imperfections. By falling short of the God's mark, we are incomplete. The question I've constantly asked to God is: "In your eyes, am I good enough?" and "Do you look upon me with favour?". For there is a sense of desperation to make up for lost time, thinking to myself, if I push hard enough I can get myself on level ground. The more I try, the more I find how far off the mark I really am. So far off that its impossible to get myself on level ground doing things on my own accord, no matter how well intentioned or how much in line with Christ I think my actions may be.
The humbling truth is that without God I am wholly inadequate. Sometimes my decision making isn't based on what I desired to do, but more what I desire to run far away from.
It seems like I'm left with two options in the present: Either I can go and tackle as many of my inadequacies as possible or I can try to find peace with them. To focus solely on the fore would take a lifetime at the expense of building relationship. To focus solely on the latter would deny God in transforming me.
The reality is, God calls me to do both. While doing either action may be good, it isn't necessarily Godly. What counts is whether or not I trust God completely with how to change me. Whether or not I fully submit to God. What gets forgotten is that God is infinitesimally bigger than me and he's got a plan. Jesus came to give us full life did he not? It can only happen if I strive to completely persue God, which leaves me with one response: Screw my inadequacies, I want life.
2 Comments:
Interesting note, the more i focus on my inadeqaucies, the more frustrated I am at life.
Perhaps we should change our perspective from just fixing our weakness and become stronger.
Perhaps we should look at our life continuious toward God. There will be inadeqaucies, that's life. And with God on our side, thsoe inadeqaucies will sort itself out.
good job Pat! looks like you're on the right track to life!
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