Monday, July 19, 2004

Emotional Moderation

Rarely ever one who is lets my emotions run to an extreme, whether be happy, sad, fearful or mad. Always one who keeps a level head and restricts the range of emotions to a certain level. It's never good to let your emotions be the judge of things but more and more it seems like this level of emotional moderation isn't a viable alternative. 

Sure, this sense of emotional stability is a great asset to have during the stressful times, but other times it feels like I'm practically comatose. Sometimes, I feel I go through the entire day without ever having a thought or feeling in my head. Almost automaton-like, which is really scary. It can't be the way we're suppose to live our lives.

What really gets me wondering is if I'm ever drawing close to the point where I can't show my feelings for the people who mean the most to me. Also, is this mindset of being emotionally reserved really just a guise to prevent myself from taking any serious risks in life. A way of covering up all the fears that might lie deep down inside. All this for the sake of emotional moderation. Granted, this mindset prevents me from making stupid decisions more often than not, but at this level is this worth it?

It seems like I'm on always on this journey to find myself and transform everything from the inside out, so it's almost expected that this has come up. Perhaps a slight tweaking is in order after all these years. Doesn't mean I'm gonna become someone who wears my emotions on my sleeve, but maybe just a little more in that direction. Whatever can bring me closer to fully appreciating everything this God given life has given me and has in store for me.




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