Reflections of the Past Week (Continued)
I remember two things very fondly at EM. One was when they were playing the song "The Source", my eyes started tearing up when I was singing. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was singing from the heart. It wasn't just that though, for the first time I was able to fully express my spiritual side to my friend which up to this point, I hadn't really been able to show. Just being able to share it made it special. The other thing was after hearing Lincoln's testimony and bowing our heads in prayer. A couple things were running through my head that made so much sense, it shocked me just how true it was in my case. Lincoln was talking about how we change who we are based on what we think other people think of us. His exact words were:
"I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am, I am who I think you think I am."
So very true. During the prayer, I can remember Lincoln asking the crowd if there was anyone who wanted to follow Christ or know more about him, raise there hand. There was a part of me that just wanted to raise my hand and say "I want to rediscover Christ all over again." Just recapture that exact moment where I felt his love overwhelm me. That night, I was told that quite a few raised their hands during that moment. All I could think was just happy I was for them that they were willing to take that step.
Another relevation hit me that night. I had dealt with a situation which I thought I was completely fine in, only to realize that I was only really kidding myself. Deep down inside there was a part of me that wasn't quite in synch with my thoughts and was bothering me for a while. It wasn't until I ran into that person that it dawned on me what was bothering me. I didn't want to admit that I felt hurt by someone I cared for even though the situation played itself out the best it could. Part of me was probably angry that I was put in a situation that was really out of my control and it's something that I can't fix. It was that realization that almost felt liberating in a weird sense. Much like admitting that I struggle with a lot of things.
A lot really did happen that week. Just having the chance to really think about what had been dragging me down from seeking God was a start. I think it was the realization that while we are trying to emulate Christ as best we can, it's okay to admit that we struggle and not get caught up our pride. Even the strongest Christians probably go through these struggles. I guess its knowing that we're not always perfect is a bit of a reassurance in some way. Sometimes, I really wonder if God or Jesus ever struggled with any of the decisions they had to make or if they knew instantly what to say or do for every situation that occured. Perhaps that's something really goes beyond anything the human mind could ever really comprehend.
"I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am, I am who I think you think I am."
So very true. During the prayer, I can remember Lincoln asking the crowd if there was anyone who wanted to follow Christ or know more about him, raise there hand. There was a part of me that just wanted to raise my hand and say "I want to rediscover Christ all over again." Just recapture that exact moment where I felt his love overwhelm me. That night, I was told that quite a few raised their hands during that moment. All I could think was just happy I was for them that they were willing to take that step.
Another relevation hit me that night. I had dealt with a situation which I thought I was completely fine in, only to realize that I was only really kidding myself. Deep down inside there was a part of me that wasn't quite in synch with my thoughts and was bothering me for a while. It wasn't until I ran into that person that it dawned on me what was bothering me. I didn't want to admit that I felt hurt by someone I cared for even though the situation played itself out the best it could. Part of me was probably angry that I was put in a situation that was really out of my control and it's something that I can't fix. It was that realization that almost felt liberating in a weird sense. Much like admitting that I struggle with a lot of things.
A lot really did happen that week. Just having the chance to really think about what had been dragging me down from seeking God was a start. I think it was the realization that while we are trying to emulate Christ as best we can, it's okay to admit that we struggle and not get caught up our pride. Even the strongest Christians probably go through these struggles. I guess its knowing that we're not always perfect is a bit of a reassurance in some way. Sometimes, I really wonder if God or Jesus ever struggled with any of the decisions they had to make or if they knew instantly what to say or do for every situation that occured. Perhaps that's something really goes beyond anything the human mind could ever really comprehend.
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