A fourty day challenge

The Bible has this fascination with using the number 40 whenever someone is put through a test of faith.  A friend of mine set forth a challenge to reveal and strengthen the desire to find Christ that's in me. The challenge is to pray everyday for 40 consecutive days. It's almost around the amount of time that's left this summer.

What I hope to achieve at the end of this  is a heightened sense of understanding and appreciation to the gospel that is Christ. I know it can be done, but not by myself. That being said, I'd totally appreciate if any of you guys who read this take a bit of time to pray that God give me strength and disipline to overcome this challenge. September 4th, we will know.

 

They're pretty words but...

They mean nothing if you don't follow through with actions.

I talk about all the things that inspire me and motivate me, yet where's the backing so far? It's almost been 3 months of the summer gone by and as far as accomplishing the goals I had set out for in the summer, I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be at this point. It seems as if all those things that inspire me to go out and accomplish all my goals are not igniting that same spark as it did weeks ago.  All those pretty words that got me up and going have lost its momentum and the purpose of the message never completely sank in.

I'm reminded of a book I read that talked about the formula for success. The ingredients for it is pretty simple: Determination + Planning + Goal Setting + Courage = Success. I've found lately that both my determination and planning have been lacking. If I were truly serious about this, I'd plan out every step I needed to make in order to do and just suck it up.

So where has the determination and planning gone? It's temporarily offset by the realization that I committed myself to too many thing this summer. While I've been on par with strengthening faith and doing a good job at work, the other goals of physical fitness, schooling and socializing have all sputtered a little. I never realized just how much of a time commitment each goal would require, nevermind the mental strain of constantly trying to juggle it all.

In the end, what has become ultimately clear is that I didn't prioritize properly, nor did I leave any room for other possible things that I might've come across this summer. I thought too much about preparing for the future while letting the present go by.  So, now with 5 weeks left, it's time to step up and renew that determination. Pull off this crazy juggling act that I've gotten myself into. Let's see if those pretty words have finally sunk in now!

Emotional Moderation

Rarely ever one who is lets my emotions run to an extreme, whether be happy, sad, fearful or mad. Always one who keeps a level head and restricts the range of emotions to a certain level. It's never good to let your emotions be the judge of things but more and more it seems like this level of emotional moderation isn't a viable alternative. 

Sure, this sense of emotional stability is a great asset to have during the stressful times, but other times it feels like I'm practically comatose. Sometimes, I feel I go through the entire day without ever having a thought or feeling in my head. Almost automaton-like, which is really scary. It can't be the way we're suppose to live our lives.

What really gets me wondering is if I'm ever drawing close to the point where I can't show my feelings for the people who mean the most to me. Also, is this mindset of being emotionally reserved really just a guise to prevent myself from taking any serious risks in life. A way of covering up all the fears that might lie deep down inside. All this for the sake of emotional moderation. Granted, this mindset prevents me from making stupid decisions more often than not, but at this level is this worth it?

It seems like I'm on always on this journey to find myself and transform everything from the inside out, so it's almost expected that this has come up. Perhaps a slight tweaking is in order after all these years. Doesn't mean I'm gonna become someone who wears my emotions on my sleeve, but maybe just a little more in that direction. Whatever can bring me closer to fully appreciating everything this God given life has given me and has in store for me.

Dare to dream

For the longest time, I was always a very utilitarian, pragmatic type of person. A kind of person that believes in goals setting and determination as the way to live life so long as the goals were realistic. Definitely not one of the idealists, the dreamers.
 
I've always thought of those type of people as a bit naive. You know, the ones that drum up such ideals that while are a nice thoughts just isn't realistic or ready for this world to accept even though they should. A thought came to me recently though. Are the dreamers really the naive ones, or is there a brilliance in their aspirations to reach new heights? To not lower their standard just to satisfy everyone else. It takes a special kind of person to be able to dream and go after their dreams. They are the ones that always stand out and rise above the norm, for better or worse. 
 
Don't get me wrong, there's still definitely a place for those who approach who approach a situation with objectivity not clouded by dreams or desire. I'm definitely one that fits into that catagory. But I can't help think that maybe there's something to the dreamers that I don't fully appreciate. That there's a fine balance that can be struck between being a dreamer and a realist. Maybe the dreamers weren't completely naive after all. Maybe they're on to something truly awesome. Maybe I should widen my mind a bit and dare myself to dream a little more.

Leave the past behind?

I'm happy with the person that I'm developing into and truly grateful for all the events that surrounded my life since starting university. Yet there's a tiny part that wishes I could somehow return and reunite with my past. Trying to see if it is possible to somehow merge the past and the present altogether. I'm not even sure if it is something I truly desire or if it serves to rectify whatever mistakes I made in the past.
 
The thought keeps occuring periodically and it is frustrating. I don't get it. The path that I'm on has given me so much and I accepted the fact that people come and go in your life and whom they were in your past is very much a part of who you were and become in both the good and the bad. So knowing all this, why is there still a part of me that wants to come back?
 
Perhaps, It's finally time for me to bury all those mistakes of the past, cause I've finally learned the lesson.  Accept the fact that the way things are they are meant to be even if I don't like it and just move on. I just wonder how much I have to leave behind. Maybe I'm just a little saddened by the reality of it all even though I know in the long run it is for the better.