Everything. Faith. Now. Forever

These four words have been hitting at me like a ton of bricks.

To call myself a Christian is to constantly die to myself every day and give EVERYTHING to him. It's that one word that continue to haunt me through my struggles. It seems I've hit my ceiling in my current state and I can hear God beckon me to break through not hold back in letting him work further in me.

I'm not use to giving 100%, which I'm somewhat ashamed to admit. I used to be happy being able to do many things mediocrely, but now its doesn't sit well with me.

I'm reaching out to God to pull me out of my sinful rut. To struggle now and have faith that he will provide. To help pull me out of the jam I've put myself in. To renew myself now as in the present. To cast off all the crap this world offers and seek what's important in God's eyes.

This is really hard. Keep fighting. Let the Holy Spirit reign in.

Redeem The Time

To realize the value of 4 years: ask a recent graduate
To realize the value of 1 year: ask a student who failed a final exam
To realize the value of 1 hour:ask lovers waiting to meet for the 1st time
To realize the value of 1 minute:ask someone who missed the train
To realize the value of 1 second:ask a person who survived an accident
To realize the value of 1 millisecond: ask an olympian who won silver
To realize the value of a friend: lose one
Time waits for no one... cherish all your friends

A reminder that the days are precious and shouldn't be wasted so easily.

Superman Complex

Failure is tough to swallow. You try not to treat is as life or death. You try to pick out what you did wrong, learn from it and move on. It's a lesson that's I've often acquainted myself with.

Failing again is heartbreaking. You made the adjustments you thought you had to make and you're shocked when you see that you still didn't come through. It's that moment that you literally slam on the breaks of life and re-evaluate everything, starting internally.

I've always prided myself on my independence, versatility and tenacity. It's always worked relatively well for me in the past. There's a term for it. Fatal success. That the most dangerous thing can happen to us is doing things our own way and believing we've succeeded. Today it backfired.

Maybe it's a confidence issue. Not a matter of under-confidence, but over confidence in your abilities. For months now, I had been running with a firebrand mentality that I always will my way through but without acknowledging my weakness of discipline and humbleness. My superman complex.

Another funny revelation was believing God was done breaking me apart. In reality, I had only wished that he'd stop breaking me. The final peice of his lesson was breaking down my pride which I never really knew I had or dealt with before. I'm slowly learning that part of being good at the little things is also giving up everything you hold onto before God. With that I'm left with two verses that hit me like kryptonite today.

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling."

Proverbs 16:18

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control."

Proverbs 25:28

How fitting.