A Time For Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

I'm very much immature in the sense that I'd rather put up a wall around my all perceived flaws and hide behind it than be real with myself or anyone else. At times I feel that I can never be fully satisfied in who I am until I've tackled almost every weak point. I guess I want to be this kind of superman sans kryptonite. God showed me otherwise.

To acceptance one's self as a constant work in progress has been one of the toughest truths for me to swallow. That forming the Christ-like character I desire is knowing that it is God who reveals to me what parts of my character that needs to develop, not just picking which "fruits of the holy spirit" attributes I believe I have to improve upon so I can "feel" more Christ-like. What it boils down to is whether or not I can completely accept that my character formation has to be done GOD's way, with GOD's mindset in GOD's timing. It is humility at its finest because it's the complete acknowledgement that I can't do this any other way. It is also freedom because it is not the end result where I recieve redemption but in effort that was made in the present.

For the first time in a while I've feel I'm being real with myself. That the words I'm using are what I feel rather than recycled content; and that the Scriptures revealed the Truth in a way that was elegant, graceful and powerful all in one.

Open and Empty

I was once told "If there's something you see that hits your heart, it is God revealing it to you."

Something hasn't felt right in my heart for a while. Somehow, somewhere along the lines, I wound up doing something I said I would never do when I accepted Christ in my life. In my attempts to find answers that would help break down barriers that prevent other people from coming to Christ, I neglected my own identity in Christ. And to my dismay, I wound up religionizing him.

It's almost scary how easy it is to think you know the Word, or become more judgemental. All the thoughts that quickly flash in your head. And while I may not have a very good clue who Jesus is. I know he isn't this. I feel more Pharisee than Christ-like. As if there's this mask I'm wearing that has me convinced this is the face that I'm suppose to have.

The most ironic thing is while I'm so driven to become more fundamentally sound in my faith, I forgot the most fundamental aspect. That any change in my character that makes me more Christ-like is ONLY made by God living within me. That upon accepting Christ, I'm given the gift and promise of a free spirit and a clean slate that is only possible with his unending grace.

It hits me like a wall that God made that sacrifice. A humbling feeling that God was beyond good to me with a yearning to live my life out of gratitude and not out of duty. As for how, I friend once told me this piece of advise that didn't make much sense until now. "All God asks you to do is come before him."

Open and empty me. Refill me with your grace because I can't do this on my own. I want to live out that promise of a free spirit, that promise of life in full. More than ever I want to be formed in the likeness of Christ and rediscover what drew me to him in the firstplace.

Foundation Building

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were stil trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Galatians 1:10

I find when I ask myself this question, the more I find I'm trying to seek a middle ground that provides a self justification when it shouldn't. At times my actions reflect my lack of confidence, not in my ability or in my belief of God or Christ, but in my understanding of their fundamental values or teachings.

I've read so many books that have inspired me, motivated me get up and charge into the world, but when face to face with the situation, doubts overtakes my conviction because I'm simply unsure of the teachings of Christ. To put it straight forward, I feel like I barely know Christ and its really starting to bother me. It's getting to the point where it feels like I'm just puffing smoke whenever I proclaim my faith. I'm tired of in my heart knowing God is in my life but not really having a clue who Jesus is aside from the atypical Sunday School answers you hear about him.

My desire is to be a servant of Christ and know what this means. I feel like Christ is some distant hero from long time ago that I recognize more as fact in my head than from my heart. My prayer is to desire to know Christ and be just knocked over in sheer reverance. To have such a profound respect for him that upon hearing his name I would have to contain myself from saying "Hallelujah!" and to know in my heart what it means to call him Saviour again. To not just thirst for him, but to act on that thirst with undeterred will and build an unbreakable foundation that reflects his glory.

Dave Crowder Band - Wholly Yours

My heart turned when I first heard the lyrics to this song and just drawing a
comparison how Holy and beautiful God is and how stained I can be. From it I can't
help but be humbly reminded that its not how hard I try to clean myself up but how
much I willingly let God work in me that allows me to be sancitified. When I heard
that line "I am wholly, wholly, wholly yours", it opened an honest confession that
my commitment and faithfulness to God is anywhere near its entirety despite my
proclamation as a follower in Christ.

In this time of new years resolutions, I'm only going to make one. To live free and
in whole. Happy New Year's everyone! Here's the lyrics.

I am full of earth
You are heaven's worth
I am stained with dirt
Prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this:
From the broken earth
Flowers come up pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like you are

You are everything that is bright and clean
And your covering me with Your majesty
And the And the truest sign of grace was this:
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like you are

But the harder I try the more cleary can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing:
Your grandness in me
Making me clean

Glory, hal-le-lu-jah
Glory, Glory, hal-le-lu-jah
So here I am
All of me
Finally everything

Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly.....Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You