Where God's Been Working

This sunday was my very first time I've ever performed worship in front of the congregation. Our team, which had only formally practiced the day before and earlier that morning, really gelled together on stage. I absolutely love our team and I am so glad that God chose us to come together and serve. Everyone said that we sounded amazing, especially for a newly formed team, but I think we all knew who the credit really belonged to that morning.

There were two things I thought about when we were finished that morning. I recall after our practice the night before, my fingers were really stinging from playing so much that I could barely put pressure on it without hurting. I remember giving a short prayer of letting me play through the pain and give my absolute best, whatever the outcome. I also recall just a month ago, how when the opportunity came to minister through worship, I was absolutely ready to dismiss the entire notion of it. I forget the reason I initally gave for being reluctant to do it, but deep down inside I think I was just scared to make a commitment to serve God. Perhaps, it was his way of saying that now's the time to make another stride in my faith. I believe that was the first time, I've ever prayed about something I was so unsure about doing.

I look to where things have progressed now and I really wonder what I was so afraid of to begin with. I remember a friend telling me when I was had my doubts was that you often learn more about God through ministering rather than ministering only when you feel you've learned enough about God. My understanding and appreciation of how God works in our lives is still incredibly raw, but I'm finding what he told me was very true.

In fellowship they asked us to see where God has been working in ours lives lately. It turns he's been pretty busy in mine. I admit that I have a hard time fully accepting and believing that God knows what's best for me. I don't want to even think about how I would feel if I hadn't chosen to take that path and trust him. Instead, with his strength and wisdom, I find myself here. It's a testament of what he's been doing in my life. Today, all the credit truly belongs to him.

Truly Thankful

In previous years I always treated Thanksgiving as more of an annual ritual than anything else. Every year, help out with the turkey dinner, spent a bit of time with family and/or relatives, let the weekend go by and before I know it, back to school.

This year was a bit different. I really gave some thought to the whole concept of Thanksgiving or "Giving Thanks" for what we really have. I've been used to hearing the same generic saying grace "Dear Lord, thank you for the food we're about to enjoy, bless us with good health, prosperity ..etc...etc." Which is completely fine but it feels a bit automated at times. I'm guilty at times of saying my own generic "Dear Lord, thank you for everything, help me with discipline...etc." prayer. So when Thanksgiving rolled around this year, the question I asked myself is "What am I truly thankful for?" I say I'm thankful for everything, but specifically what? What do I recognize that I've been given?

Starting off with the very basics, clothing, shelter, food. Family stability, even though it's never ideal, I realize that it's still a very good situation. Just being here at and meeting all the awesome people that I've met. All the opportunities that God opens for us. Just having the opportunity to learn about God. Trying to list eveyrthing is not something I'm gonna try to blog down here because the list would be endless, but when I did that the time what's gifts and opportunites have been given to me, it's quite a bit. Quite a lot actually.

I guess above all else, it's knowing that you've been given the talent, purpose, god's love and mercy to be able to glorify his name. Your reason to live. Nevermind all the material things that we have, this above all else is something that I should be truly thankful for.

Giving A Full Effort

I was asked a question that really forced me to search deep down inside of my heart and be true with my feelings. "Am I happy?" I gave it some serious thought. My response was "In general yes, but sometimes I do think there's a lot of improvement that needs to be done." My friend told that it's a dangerous mentality to have. Dangerous...and I agree with him.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in thinking about what needs to be done, what has to improve that I get down on myself when the results aren't there or when I lack the discipline to do what needs to be done. Sometimes it's almost to the point where I tend to forget what it is I am happy about. There's a fine line between critiquing and self-reflection and being overly self-critical.

I've been told countless ways the exact same message: "God doesn't care where you are, he just cares that you are trying.", "It's not about the final destination, it's about the journey.", "What are you doing today that will last for eternity." and so on. To me, what it means is that life here is all one big tryout where the only thing that your marked on is if you give a full-hearted effort. It's when I start asking myself, "If God only cares about the effort I give, why do I care so much only about the final outcome?" Perhaps its because I want the results to happen now. Reap the benefits without putting the work in. Or maybe, it's actually taking the easy way out to think about what needs to be done more and spend less time doing it. God blesses me with the option to make my own choice and I realize I'm choosing not to put the effort in. Doing so, may be forcing me to miss out on the amazing opportunities out there, I just don't know it.

It all comes back to this year's CCF theme, discipline. If I have the discipline to make the effort, it frees up time for other things that may come up so I can enjoy life in both present and future. There's a quote from the bible I found that helps remind myself one of the many benefits of self and spiritual discipline.

"He who heeds discipline shows the way to life..."

Proverbs 10:17

There is only so much time we have to make the most of life. Personally, I tend to take it for granted. I shouldn't worry so much about what hasn't happened yet as just concentrate on striking that fine balance between everything. Try to let God do his work through me. After this realization, amid fact that there's so much stuff going on in my life, everything seems a bit clearer now. Everything is still the same, just the mindset is different. A bit of peace of mind, if you will.