Mental Toughness

I got this quote online and it just got me motivated. Mental toughness is something I always struggle with, especially now, and just to read those words, wrapped they way they are, just speaks to me!

"Mental toughness is many things. It is humility because it behooves all of us to remember that simplicity is the sign of greatness and meekness is the sign of true strength. Mental toughness is spartanism with qualities of sacrifice, self-denial, dedication. it is fearlessness, and it is love."

Vince Lombardi

Good Friday Reflection

¹A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ²So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. ⁴Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. ⁵When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷“Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

⁸Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . .” He said to the paralytic, ¹¹“I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”

Mark 2:1-11

They recited this verse at our Good Friday Service yesterday. What really struck me was how much I could relate the the paralytic. While I may not carry any physical paralysis, sometimes I do get caught up in thinking about my past life full of selfishness, almost to the point where I'm just flat out ashamed of myself and it just mentally paralyzes me.

This is where Verse 11 really stood out for me. When Jesus commands the paralytic "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." it was almost as if he was talking directly to me. It said to me "You're no longer anchored down by your past. You've been given a new life and another chance. Go." It's such an indescribable feeling to have your burdens lifted off your shoulders and that the past can be buried. That feeling is also rediscovered when you are able to put in words what your heart has been searching to say for a long time. That everything, my hopes, ambitions and dreams I put into Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

Being Less Judgemental

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Matthew 7:1-3

"Not many of you should persume to be teachers, my brothers, because you kow that we who teach will be judged more strictly."

James 3:1

It came to my attention how judgemental I can be at times. When I see others getting hurt by someone's recklessness, I sometimes instant get angry. I was talking to a a friend about the movie Ray and how I thought it was very tough to garner sympathy for him because of his recklessness. My friend pointed out to me that, with everything he's been through, and how far he's come and just having the power to get away with whatever he wants, who wouldn't be tempted? Also, can I fully understand what it's like to have a passion that runs so deep that it overrides everything else in my life?

It's at that point I realized that in fact I am completely wrong in my attitude. While I fully disagree with the way he live his life, the fact is, I shouldn't be so concerned with whether or not he's right or wrong in the way he's living his life. That I have absolutely no right to judge him because I am no better a person in the eyes of God. I soon changed my stance on the issue, but I felt I didn't do a good job of being a good witness at that point.

I learned a very good lesson about what effects judging others can have on yourself. And while I can take joy in learning from this lesson. I can't change the past, I can only forgive myself and take it as a learning experience.

My Biggest Fear

Everyday I find out a bit more about who really and and who I really was. It is truly eye popping to uncover the layers of yourep down inside, consiously or unconciously. I came across the age old question of where my heart lies, what are my interests, my concerns, my ambition, my passion. Nothing new here. But then I came something that made me ask myself what my personality is.

Genuine? Sure. Easy Going? Probably. Nice? I bit too much. Knowing what my true passions, interests, dreams lie? Not sure. Boring or dull? Afraid to answer that.

Why am I afraid to answer this simple question? Because I'm afraid of what the truth might reveal. That deep down inside I feel I am boring person. That I feel that I don't leave a lasting impression on anyone or am much fun to be around. Part of it is the fallacy of what I think God expects from us. I know he often wants us to put him first in our lives, and to serve, but I often think that doing so comes at the expense of having fun.

The more I reflect on it, the more I realize that my rational is merely a cover up from confronting my fears and acknowledging a truth I often deny in myself. Recognizing how deeply rooted this part of me really is leaves me shocked.

Each and every day I learn a little bit more about the person I was, and I am thankful, no matter how ugly the truth is. Lately it seems more and more that God is calling me to step out and discover what my interests, ambitions and hidden talents are. It's as if he's telling me to be more impulsive and starting making the effort to experimenting and seek what desire and great enthusiasms he's planted in me. It is such an strange feeling having the rationale that you were once so convicted too start making less and less sense.

God has given me such an enormous challenge. To come face to face with a fear that I've let live inside me for all my life and tear away another part of my old self. It's something I've always desired but right now it feels marred by all the uncertainty and questions that I have. The only thing I know for certain is that if I honestly put God first in this matter he will show me the truth. It's the only thing I know that always true.

Patience And Maturity - A Basketball Analogy

One of the toughest things I'm finding I have to accept is that the maturity process takes time. I find that I struggle with finding the balance being desperate for God and being ready to take in what he decides to reveal me. I liken the idea to being a bench player on a basketball team. I'm sitting there, watching the game unfold, absolutely dying to get on the court and start contributing because I believe that I can. When I feel I’m not, I get a bit anxious and approach the head coach, God, and say to him: " Put me in coach. I want to help the team. I think I’m ready. I know I can contribute."

Now God is like the Hubie Brown of coaches, he's so much more interested in long-term development over any short-term gain. He is so genuinely concerned with how we develop as individuals, how we develop as a team and how much enjoyment we take in playing that the players absolutely love him for it. He's also an expert at knowing what situations we'd be most effective in even if we may disagree.

So being who he is, his response to me is: "Not yet. You've got amazing potential, but you still need to work on your fundamentals and understanding or the game. Keep at it and don’t be afraid to come to me. Enjoy what’s going on. Your name will be called so have patience and always be prepared to contribute. I have faith in you."

Now I can either sulk my way back to the bench or come back with a little added fire. I hope I come back with some fire. It’s that fire that makes me want to come practice next day with more energy, work a little harder and be a little wiser. There’s always times when practice will be bad, I’ll make a huge mistake or just don’t have the proper attitude. Coach may get mad at me but never gives up on me.

Because of that, I want to constantly bring my very best even though it’s can be tough. At times, I forget why I put myself through this but I'm always reminded that I do all of this because I absolutely love playing for my coach and for my team. I do all of this so that when my name is called, I'm ready to jump on the court and play with the confidence of knowing that Coach has put me in because he knows I’m ready and the joy of playing because I am. And when someone asks how I've come this far, I know who to say the credit really belongs to.

Perhaps this is where patience and maturity play such an important role in our spiritual lives. along with discipline, passion and joy. After all, we have ourselves a coach who can help us with all these matters.

The Most Important Person

One of the things that was really making me feel a bit crummy over the past little while was not really being able to do or share things with other people. Up to this point it had been school, school, school and it just drives me up the wall.

I talked to my housemate about how much I hated that feeling of only doing things for myself because I felt so empty because of it. Even though we all have responsibilities to ourselves, whenever things get thrown out of balance, I tend to lose all motivation for why I do things. I usually wind up asking myself if God wants me to put myself first in this case or still find ways to give to others regardless. Perhaps the first thing that needs to change is coming to God with that question rather than thinking about it myself.

My housemate gave me a simple quote that he got from his highschool teacher that puts things in some perspective for me.

"You know who is the most important person in my life? Me. Because if I can't take of myself, how can I take care of anyone else?"

What I take out of it is that essentially, I'm responsible to live up to my end of the bargain and believe that God will live up to his end. That it's the effort that I give throughout these times that really counts in the eyes of God. That it's not giving up everything I like doing, but knowing that my life is his. That the reason I do all of this is that because he loved me so and I'm desperately trying to find any way I can to love him back and know that love comes deep inside.
I know a lot of these answers sounds a bit sunday schoolish or cliche but it's ultimately what I feel.

Recycling Wisdom

This past week was incredibly taxing for me. The combination of school stress among other things was really starting to get to me and left me in a sullen and sour mood for most of the day. I especially hate this feeling because I know I start becoming more self absorbed, less joyful and incredibly faithless.

A long time ago I learned that I have to see the positives and recognize that everyday is a gift from God with numerous opportunities to do his work and learn more about this world he created. At times it seems so hard to fathom why I shouldn't be excited about the prospect of what each and everyday has to offer but that's exactly what it's been like for me as of late. Because of it, I find myself more and more desperate to come to before God and ask him to remove the cloud that in my head that stops me from sharing in his joy.

It wasn't until I looked at my friend's journal and watching how she treats each day as its own gift that it made me realize how that very much applies to me. While I may not be off by myself in some far away land, where I am is special on its own and I should treat it that way through the good days and bad. I know it sounds reused and cliche, but its true. It's also a piece of wisdom that I've know for a long time but up until this point had lost its meaning on me. Each and every moment is special, and how I make use of it in every circumstance really shows who I am and who I live for. Nothing new here, but it is refreshing to know I can appreciate its meaning and profoundness again.

The Difference Between Being Mature and Being Serious

During reading week, I was blessed to be able to spend the time with an awesome group of people in sunny Cuba. Just being there on the beach and relaxing, joking around and having serious talks was just a wonderful blessing.

One thing that I really took noticed was just how everyone else carries themselves. I remember we had a discussion about how you don't have to always be serious about everything but mature and that always being serious tends to make you a bit of a drag. I really gave that some thought and I did realize that there's a huge difference between the two.

I for one think that I'm far too serious a person, and sometimes I think that acts as a hinderence with my spirtual walk with God. I find myself constantly asking if everything I do has to be something spiritual and if such, should it always be treated seriously? This is where I start to struggle with acting serious and acting mature. I do matters of the spirit with absolute seriousness, which I don't think is wrong, but I often wonder if don't so could be preventing me from reaching out too others.

Ultimately, I'm worried that taking things so seriously starts to suck to joy out of everything I do. That what I'm doing is more out of duty than out of desire. I guess this is part me trying to break out of my old shell and part me trying to have that true passion for God's work. I honestly believe that the two do go hand in hand, that carrying that unwavering desire leads to the joy in the things I do, which might change the way I handle situations from always being serious to always being mature. My biggest problem is the desire which I really lack, which may or may not rooted from my consistently serious nature. Right now, I just want to be desperate for God, break off what feels like a shackle of always being so serious and let it be replaced with maturity.

Fighting Temptation

I've been reading about how temptation is the tool that tries to keep us away from knowing God and at the same time an opportunity to show how much we love him by resisting it. One thing I started to noticing ever since then is how often I am barraged by temptation in the span of a day, it's uncanny. What makes matters worse is how often I give into it even, both consiously and unconciously.

I've decided to take a stand against one of the things I tend to succumb to the most, buying junk food. Also, since I full well know that I tend to have very will power to do this on my own, I'm using a little tactic that I learned while I was in Cuba (Which I will write about later on). It's simple, If I break any of the following conditions for the month of March I pay two of my housemates a dollar each.

Here's the Conditions:

No food/snacks from a vending machine.
No snacks from any convienience stores between my house and on campus.
I get two poutine credits and two pizza credits for the month. (I already used one..dang)
Nothing from the chip truck on campus.

My reasoning for all this is that, I always use the excuse that it isn't a lot of money I'm spending to buy that stuff. It's a bit of an spiritual/economics game, resist temptation by pricing myself out of that market. At the end of this I really want to be able to say "This is what I sacrificed for God." I'll need every ounce of strength to do so, because I'm already finding that temptation is one formidable foe.